Chapter 3 (3 of 5)
Astara awakened to the details she had been overlooking until her sudden recollection. She grew excited with anxiousness to putting these small bread crumbs together. It was that exact moment that opened her eyes to an in depth investigation. Skylar had been doing this for days, possibly a few weeks and it didn’t occur to her until she had this dream and was fully tuned in to the universe nearly screaming in her thoughts to wake up and pay attention.
When Skylar had come into the book store again, Astara was mighty cheerful towards him. “Good morning, Mr. Storm! Enjoy your lunch break!” She tried to turn down her exaggeration, but she had hoped that it wasn’t too noticeable. There was a special glow about her now when Skylar came around. She lite up with such a bright light that surrounded her.
Astara made her rounds through the book store, putting books back in their rifle places. As she was doing so, she came across an interesting looking book and began to read the back of it for more information. As she indulged in the storyline, she wasn’t paying attention as to where she was pushing the cart to and suddenly she bumped right into Skylar! “Oh, sorry!” Both Skylar and Astara said to each other at the same time. Astara thought to herself that she wasn’t really sorry, but how ironic it was that they both had their heads down preoccupied and bumped into one another. She began to get fuzzy inside and grinned as she pressed on putting books away.
As lunch time came to an end. Astara gave her farewells for the day to all her customers. Astara noticed that Skylar had went into the restroom as he and others did everyday, but this time was different. When he came out, he had walked his alpha walk towards the door. “Oh goodness here he comes.“ Astara braced for her farewell to Skylar. However, he stopped at the closest table to her and put his bag on it and grabbed out his sunglasses and keys, before leaving the store. “Take care.” He said to Astara. “Enjoy the rest of your day Mr. Storm!” Astara never thought anything out of the ordinary about his stop at the table to grab some things, but as the week went by she noticed a strange pattern with him. Skylar stopped at that same table everyday after that. The table was only about 10-15 feet away from Astara. Skylar repeated this behavior everyday. He’d set his bag down on the table and grab out his sun glasses and keys before saying good bye to Astara.
“I wonder if he thinks about me like I do him.” Astara thought to herself. “I mean, I must be crazy. I only had a dream about this guy and just suddenly woke up one day feeling like I’m totally in love with a stranger. What’s weird about it, is that I feel like I’ve known this man for an eternity now. Like, I feel at home when he’s around.” Astara’s thoughts about Skylar were intense, concerning and frustrating. She had every right to feel these mixed emotions, because she was confused and at times even angry for having this very random dream that seemed to have changed everything about her love life. There was a message behind this encounter with Skylar. A very important message. The universe needed her to see, feel and or experience this for many great reasons. She knew she was in an emotionally unstable relationship, but felt too trapped to leave. She was very embarrassed about her feelings for someone else, but to the same token it was as if the universe was screaming for her wake up. It was giving her every opportunity to wake up and see that she doesn’t have to feel stuck in her emotionally abusive relationship and that there are many amazing suitors available. The universe was showing her her next destiny. She couldn’t deny her feelings any longer. She couldn’t deny it meant nothing. She couldn’t deny that there wasn’t something behind this dream or this particular person. For whatever reason, Astara knew one thing. She felt alive and amazing inside. She’d never been THIS kind of happy in a very long time. She thought she knew what happiness was, but it was clear that she had it all wrong.
Astara spent days trying to figure out if the chemistry was mutual between her and Skylar. Although Skylar wore no ring, she was certain he was already in a relationship as well. She feared her desire to be with Skylar would be short lived. She begged the universe everyday to give her clarity about Skylar. Every time she would ask, she received signs such as angel numbers when she had a thought about him and she saw things that reminded her of him, but still she tried to ignore them believing it was just coincidence. Thinking about him started to make her sick. She was too fearful to approach him and talk to him to get to know him. She was fearful he’d think she was crazy and had no interest in her or that he was completely happy and content in his current relationship. She was fearful of rejection and feeling embarrassed. She worried if she makes a move that she’ll lose him all together and he’d stop coming to the store. Just seeing him made her happy and she clenched onto that little bit of interaction.
Astara started to put together clues she thought she overlooked. Skylar putting his bag on the table right by her everyday to grab out his stuff. He noticed him bouncing his leg in nervousness or anxiousness, but he’d stop as soon as she’d look at him. He would seem to try and be close to her by looking for new books to read right around where she was putting books away. He often times faced her direction when he would sit to read or look for books. She also noted that when he made eye contact it was as if they couldn’t stop looking into the depths of each other’s souls. It was often hard to break eye contact, but Astara felt intimidated and thought that he could read her feelings toward him so she’d always look away. When he spoke to her, he always faced her and acknowledged her. He seemed respectful and listened to her.
One day Astara really tuned in when she went to return the last few books to their shelves by the bathrooms before her shift ended. When she started to walk over to the shelves, she noticed Skylar headed to the bathrooms too, he was in front. As he turned into the bathroom he took a quick glance back and saw Astara. Astara continued to put the books away when Skylar came out and seemed like he was all of a sudden interested in the books by the bathroom, just feet away from Astara. Astara became excited and nervous at the same time and just as she was building up the courage to start a conversation with Skylar, one of her customers came up to talk to her. “Hi Astara! How are you?!” “Uugghh…” Astara thought to herself. She quickly tried to make the conversation short, but Skylar had walked away and strangely went back into the restroom. “That’s odd, he was just in there.” She thought to herself. As she tried to speed up the conversation with her customer hoping to catch Skylar when he came back out, Skylar came back out and yet again started to look at the books right by her. She noticed that his hands were still wet, because he was patting them into his pants. Astara felt that Skylar wanted to chat with her just by his behavior in the past 5 minutes of lingering around. Astara grew anxious trying to end the conversation with her customer, so that she could acknowledge Skylar. The customer asked what days and times she worked since the store would be opening and closing at new hours due to the holiday season coming up and so she mentioned the requested loud enough for Skylar to hear. Finally, she was able to cut loose, but by that time she had choked up and froze. She couldn’t say anything to Skylar and walked away. Every step she took away from him, she knew something was drawing her back to him. At that moment she could hear the universe whispering to her, “What are you doing? Go back…” Astara ignored those voices and continued to leave since it was the end of her shift.
If only he knew how much she was in love with him. Atsara couldn’t bare to battle her feelings for her boyfriend and Skylar. Every passing day it became more draining to feel one way about her boyfriend and another way about another man. She dreamed of the kind of woman she’d be with Skylar. She wanted to support his dreams, passions and hobbies. She wanted to drench him in her love and affection. She imagined caressing his chest when he wasn’t feeling good. She imagined laying with him on cold nights. She imagined taking care of him when he grew old. She imagined a beautiful and adventurous life with him. She wanted to give him everything, but she feared he didn’t feel the same way or would ever and that maybe he lived a façade and would turn out to be a complete narcissist. Astara knew better though. She could feel people’s energy and for many years she ignored her intuition towards people. She knew that Skylar had good energy, she could feel the calmness in his presence. She knew she needed more clarity to make a move towards Skylar, but how?
Astara convinced herself that she would get over Skylar. That she needed to. She couldn’t bare the intensity anymore. She couldn’t deal with her mind being occupied by thoughts of Skylar. She felt drained. More so, because she just didn’t have answers and is too fearful to know if Skylar felt the same way. Astara drew blanks and that night she asked the divine to give her clarity that she should pursue Skylar and if not then to help her forget about him and move on. She felt in a way that she was being teased, punished or that that there maybe was a lesson to learn with this encounter with Skylar. Either way, Astara felt like she had been fighting in a war along side the Angels against the demons in the universe. Only the war was in her own mind and she was growing closer to raising the white flag in defeat and give up. She fought for a lover who may never find her worthy and may never choose to be with her, ever in his life time. She couldn’t bare the pain she felt on a day to day basis. She cried for help, cried to better understand and cried for clarity. She needed to move past this feeling of uncertainty.
That night when Astara went to sleep, she thought to herself that she was done fighting an endless battle. She asked for the strength to move past Skylar, because she started to feel unwell with even thoughts of him. “I’m ready to move past Skylar and move on with my life. I feel as though my thoughts and curiosity are wasted efforts.” Astara said softly to herself. “I’m ready to heal myself and I know I’m worthy of a man whom will care about me the way I care about him.” Astara continued on. As Astara closed her eyes, she pictured herself saying good bye to Skylar and letting go of his hand as she drifted away into the most lucid and brightest white light that appeared off into the distance. She had thoughts about letting go of the energy she felt when he came around. She let go of all the interactions she had with him. She stopped overlooking the little things that kept her reeled in thinking that there was something.
Astara was in a beautiful place in her dreams. It wasn’t of Earth. This place brought warm and beauty beyond what the average human eye could see. Little tiny light bugs covered the darkness that surrounded her. They blanketed the surrounding area, masking the ground and the sky as if stars themselves were reachable. They lite up the floor of the forest and when Astara would put her hand out, the lights would swift away, as to never allow harm to come to them. They spread and floated in the air like dandelion seeds on a mission to continue the circle of life and define balance without distraction. She grinned as she never felt more at home. She looked to the sky where there was surprisingly more light to be seen and saw that there were multiple planets and lucid and memorizing colors throughout space. Like a large misty space cloud illuminated with translucent lights. As if they were their own storm lighting up within the space clouds. A night club up in light illumination. It was so serene to look at. As though you were looking through a 5D view master.
Astara was in awe as she seemingly bounced through the tall greenish blue soft grass. Her footing was light when she bounced throughout it. Gravity was different here. It allowed for buoyancy when jumping or bouncing. It was then, out of no where, while Astara was enjoying such a beautiful experience to herself, by herself and eloping in the fulfilling loneliness that engulfed her. Her acceptance to this peaceful, care free and individuality had made her feel that she was being rewarded with feeling completely full when completely alone. Astara’s a day dream in her dream came to a sudden end when Skylar appeared right in front of her and right out of no where. He had an urgent, concerning, but heartfelt message for her. As he cupped the back of her arms to pull her close to him, he towered over her and looked deep into her eyes. His blue eyes glistened against the tiny light bugs beaming blue essence. Skylar had intense saddened eyes when looking into Astara’s soul. “Please don’t give up on me…” Skylar whispered softly to Astara… She felt an intense energy with his words. His words felt genuine and the message really tugged at Astara’s heart strings. Her heart beat so hard, she could hear the throbs inside her head. Warmth covered her entire body from head to toe and Skylar’s touch filled her with reminders that he truly does care about her, but he’s going through a lot and Astara should have faith and patience with Skylar and give him the time he needed.
Astara awoke from her dream with a huge knot in her stomach. She felt incredibly sick. She laid there in bed incredibly confused by her dream. Coincidently, she did ask for clarity or strength to move on, and so the dream seemed to verify clarity for Astara to be patient and wait for Skylar. Maybe now wasn’t the time to pursue Skylar, that time needed to make its way into both Skylar and Astara’s life in order to bring them together. This dream kept Astara up the rest of the night and she tossed and turned restlessly as she replayed the vision of Skylar over and over again.
Astara couldn’t take it anymore. She knew what she wanted to do. She couldn’t live another day not knowing something. She needed to know if her intuition was correct. She set her mission to confront Skylar and dive head first into the weeds of her intuition. After a history with good intuition, she couldn’t be more sure there was something beautiful being developed between them. She clenched onto her pillow and let out a tear of fear. Much of her had wished her dream was about letting him go, but with being roped back into her feelings toward Skylar, really put a confusing twist on her heart. Astara rehearsed what she would say to Skylar when the time was right. She battled conversations in her mind, afraid to forget what to say or what questions to ask. When morning hit, she set sail to test her courage.
Chapter 4 to be continued… Tuesday, November 10th.
Copyright ©️ 2020 Lifewithmissriva
Leave a Reply