Secret Admirer…

No time to read? Then listen!
“Often times, things we believe are our end goal, are really just progressions towards life’s many lessons. Everything and everyone are temporary experiences to lead you to your divine purpose. Set yourself free. The universe is abundant.” -Riva Gijanto

Songs that inspired this story:

"I know you love to Fall," Message to the Bears.
"Wonderland," Axel Johansson.
"In This Shirt," The Irrepressibles.
"Are You With Me," Nilu.
"Tether Me," Galleaux

Do you ever wonder why a spark illuminates within your cellular walls on a molecular level? Why is it when you could be living a life you may actually be happy with, but something completely out of your control seems to take over every sensation in your body and mind. What possesses a body to leave you leaving helpless in a situation you never asked for or wanted. Is it our intuition trying to move forward with something we can’t see?

I never expected such an abrupt disruption in my life before everything came crashing down and a new light began to peer through my facade of a life I had created. I tried to wrap my head around the situation, but nothing ever seems to make sense. How is this possible? Why do I feel a magnetic pull towards something else? I can’t fathom the mathematical equation when it comes to what my body created all on its own.

I wonder about you all the time. I’m sleepless. I’m tired. I dream about you often. I feel that deep down within every core element of my being, you are a part of me somehow, but how and why? I feel like I am totally madly in-love with you, but I could never let you know. I am not in a good place, but also I can’t seem to understand the WHY in all of this. 

When I see you, it’s as though my entire soul illuminates and yearns to be close. I actively stay away from you, because I know you aren’t in a good place either, but the more I try and stay away the more this magnetic pull intensifies and my physical being wants to collapse into your arms and hug you until I become one with you. The urges are getting harder to control and I am afraid I will leap off the cliff to risk everything we ever thought was right.

I imagine waking up next to you everyday. Your smile is secure and safe, and I feel as though I could die the happiest person being able to see your smile on my last day. An arcangel, your soul energy is Divine and beautiful. Your presence is protective and loving. You have a lot of love to give, but you are unhappy and I can feel that you are neglected as I was. Why do we stay in situations we have outgrown and have become unhappy in. Trying to find small things to keep a raggedy towel sewn together for the sake of status and what society deems as normal.

I watch you when I see you. I try not to stare, but I glance… often. I don’t want you to notice I’m looking, but I do… a lot. I try to control it, but I can’t always. It’s hard. Most of the time I just walk away, because I’m unable to control myself and I can’t have what I want, because of the situation, so I walk away. When I do this it eats me alive. What am I proving? What if I just ran up to you and kissed you? Would you kiss me back? Even if it was for a second we indulged on a moment before you would push me away?

I want you so bad, that every time I see you it’s just a tease. I want to love you. I want to love ON you. I want to be there for you, lift you up, support you and take you on the most grand adventures that you’ve ever experienced in your entire existence. I want to see you glow all the time. I don’t want you to feel any more pain or ever wonder. I want nothing but the very best for you and you deserve to be loved so deeply that you’ll never have to ever wonder or question your worth while you reside in my life.

Your beauty radiates. You’re kind and I can tell you don’t get enough appreciation for it. I’m empathic, so you’ll always know how much I appreciate you. I can’t promise an ordinary love though. My love is beyond anything you’ll ever experience in your life. It’s addicting, euphoric and raw and very real. I live in a fairy tale that only others could dream about and many others talk down about that doesn’t exist. It exists with me. It’s limitless.

Our love would collide and I know you try to keep your distance. You don’t want to get too close. You’re unsure and confused. I feel that so much. When you’re close you have so much to say, as do I, but neither of us have the courage to talk. We freeze or things come out awkward, leaving us discombobulated and confused. Regretting having ever said anything at all. Why is it that our minds are full of intelligence and conversations, but our body completely fails our execution?

I want to feel you so bad. I imagine what your touch on my body would feel like. What your hugs would feel like. What your lips would feel like if I could kiss you. It would last what may seem like forever, wouldn’t it? I don’t think I’d have the strength to disconnect from such intense energy. I would cave to your every touch. I would tremble and lose my breath. There’s a tremendous amount of sheer torture that I’m respectful of such situations, because my soul is yearning for yours and my 3D body is physically incapable of loving you like my higher self yearns for. I’m unable to unleash my desires onto you, treat you like the king you have always been and to remind you of your worth and values. 

I know you want me. Your desires for me penetrate your soul and I can feel your energy intensify when we are in each other’s space. When you’re away, I can still feel you. You think about me all the time. I know this, because I dream of you often and in my dream you’ve expressed to me not to give up on you. Your higher self has already chosen me as my higher self has chosen you. Our souls have found one another through all the chaos the universe brings before us. 

Let me love you, my grace. My heart flutters as though I’m being revived after a painful death when you’re around. Life seems more vibrant than it already is when you step into my line of view. Sometimes it’s overwhelming when your soul dances with my soul. I want to captivate every brief encounter, because little do you know it makes me incredibly happy to see you. Just one look into your eyes and I’m yours without words. My soul and your soul remember previous lives together. We are meant for each other, but Earth’s rules have your ego believing you aren’t worthy of change or worthy of being happy. You deserve a chance at something you know is perfectly right for you.

Just know that everything you’ve ever experienced in this life was made to set you up for this very moment as this moment will very well set your future up. There are no challenges or end goals, there’s really just the now and what you want. I want you and I’ve been waiting patiently for you to come home to me. I wait for you to open your eyes and see me. I await a reunion with you. I know you feel it. I know as soon as you see me, suddenly you question everything. You become careful how you walk, how tall you stand, how you try not to look at me, but you do. I feel your thoughts, your energy, your awkwardness when your body and mind try to fight who’s going first which results in not doing anything at all. You don’t have to speak, although it would be nice. I can read everything about you. I adore your inability to function properly when I’m around.

I long for you to hold me. I long for you to touch my face and stare into my eyes as if we’re traveling a journey only our souls know where to go. I long for you to kiss me slowly, so I can savor the way you taste. I long for you to share yourself with me, so I can share a side of the universe you never knew existed until me. I want to show you things you’ve never seen. I want to explore the inner depths of our purpose together. I want to conquer the world with you. Please allow me to illuminate your soul for life. Not just for a moment, but just for a short while, but an eternity in this life and into the next as we’ve always done before here.

When I see you, I collapse when you’re near. I cave when our energies collide. I am left breathless and speechless when we are given the universal opportunity to communicate. I’ll always have a deep internal love for you that could never be replaced. There’s only one of you and you mirror my divine energy. You are mine as I am yours. We don’t decide this, our energetic souls have exploded in this magnetic pull. Let it engulf your life. Open up to me. Let me in. I know just what to do for you and just what you need. Allow me to be the light in your life. Allow me to show you what you’re truly missing in this life. I want you, my grace and I’m waiting for the day you will notice me and feel the love I have waiting just for you. I’m unarmed and ready for your awakening and when you awake I’ll be right here waiting for you to come home…

All Rights Reserved.

©️ 2021 Riva Gijanto. All Rights Reserved. This is my hard work. Please do not steal, copy, recreate, manipulate or use its authenticity in any way.

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