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Our idea of love is just that, our own idea of it or an idea that society, our parents and our friends instilled upon us, but what is love? What actually is it? What do you do with it? And how do you achieve such a level of great love?
Well, unfortunately love is truly misrepresented by society in this modern day. Love is viewed differently for everyone based on their values of it or understanding about it. People with child-hood trauma, PTSD and many other factors play into the amount of love a person gives and the amount you receive from that person.
Love is something a lot of humans aren’t fully capable of achieving, due to their life choices and mental stability. It can be hard to love someone or be loved by someone we want to feel loved by. Work can get in the way, stress of everyday life, traumas, triggers, decreased desires, so much can play into it, but guess who suffers? The person who just wants to be loved.
Now, self love and expression is very important for us to gain the confidence to love someone the way they should be loved. It shouldn’t be temporary. If you have been in relationships where they run their course and the love well runs dry, it’s likely you’ll continuously run into this scenario no matter what relationship you endure and there’s no human on earth that’ll fill your needs if you slack on producing the one essential thing a person needs to thrive in a relationship, love.
Love is kind. It’s understanding in terms of healthy boundaries and support. It’s about wholesome hugs, romantic kisses, long cuddles, smiles, laughs and of course respective love making. It’s being tuned in, holding hands in public, picnics at a local park, adventures into the unknown and growing together. Challenges shouldn’t be hard with the right person. The emotional and mental stability is to be healthy. Lovers are to be team members and rooting on for their partners growth. It’s the “I love you’s” and actually feeling they are in the present when saying it to you or you to them. It’s coming first, over work and materialistic things.
Everyone’s love language is different and this may not sit with everyone, but again, everyone has their own idea of what love means to them and looks like to them, and we all grow differently based on what kind of love we’ve endured. Love is not about pain and suffering. It’s not about being neglected, pushed aside, left behind, abused, used, ignored, tortured, cheated on and its not being subjected to verbal and emotional abuse. Do not mistake this for love, because this is toxic, not healthy authentic love at its highest vibration. Sure, you could live with someone who is on this vibration and want to lift them up with your love, but it’ll inevitably leave you feeling drained and will keep you below the negative charge frequency belt. Temptations that are often associated with lies, manipulation and control are also indicators that make up a lower vibration.
When you love someone, you often overlook their flaws. Without a doubt everyone has said, “I don’t care about their past or who they were or are, I love them.” We fall blindly for various reasons. Maybe we are unhappy in our current relationship and the flame died down and you’re looking for excitement again. Maybe you’re bored in life and need a partner, but don’t want to emotionally fully commit. Maybe you think you’re stuck in an unhappy situation and retaliate with misery. Maybe you’re fine with the sheer lack of love in your relationship and have more of a business relationship with your partner. It could also be that you haven’t met your match yet. Maybe you even thought you knew what love is and later realized you were wrong.
It’s OK to learn and grow and relearn what we’ve been taught or thought to be. We aren’t perfect, and many of us find that trying to love someone for their flaws is accepting that we aren’t worth a healthier or more suitable option. Love isn’t forcing someone to stay in an unhealthy relationship that hinders your growth. You should never be made to feel shackled to someone, because society has convinced you that you should continuously subject yourself to pain and suffering while in a relationship. Narcissistic people and people whom are unhealed, have trauma or other mental health issues often shape and mold these commitment ideals. It is their way of blaming you for not accepting them for who they are and their abuse towards you when they expect you should love them no matter what, because you said, “I love you,” or “I do.” There is no yelling, screaming, fighting, abuse, neglect or cheating in a healthy and loving relationship.
Noโฆ Buddhists say that true love contains 4 elements: kindness, compassion, fun and serenity. I have yet to meet a toxic Buddhist in an unhealthy relationship, so perhaps we should reevaluate how we not only look at love, but also how we speak about it in terms of what it should look like and how much someone should work through beyond their being unhappy. We are driven to push through everything in life and we are seen as failures if we quit something or leave someone. The foundation for this was really created by those who wanted someone for themselves and created this idea to make someone theirs and created these ideas and rules that should apply when being in a relationship. Sadly, we believe that no matter how unhappy we are, that we should work through our problems and make amends, and for some that may actually work, but for the majority, we really believe we are trapped. To be exact, over 50% of the American population in a marriage end up divorced.
Why do we stay in really toxic relationships? Perhaps both partners are in up to their neck in financial debt. Perhaps they’ve accumulated a lot and can’t fathom splitting materialistic items. Maybe one partner works and the other is codependent. Maybe there’s verbal, mental, emotional, physical and or spiritual abuse, where someone is virtually afraid to leave. Maybe because both partners are stubborn and neither can call it quits or religion binds you until death and you live by that, no matter how bad the reality is.
Whatever the reason, love is not a competition. We do not receive rewards or awards for staying committed in an unhealthy relationship in the end, because the entirety of the meaning of love is completely shattered by society.
Love is one of the most authentic experiences we can experience while being here, on Earth. Real love can hit you anywhere, anytime, with anyone. It does not have laws. It does not have rules. It does not follow the order of the human ego. It is. It just is. We must surrender to it in order to experience it in its fullest. Humans are incapable of feeling such a phenomenon, because we are too busy following the rules we made up. We are so stuck on powering through misery, that we would rather say we’ve been with someone for 40 years, than to admit that those 40 years could have been much better with someone you were more compatible with or that you should have left a long time ago. Did you make it through life with this toxic person? Sure you did, but would you do it all over again? When your last dying day comes about, can you look back at your life and feel as if you could die completely happy and feel that high vibrational love I speak about? Sure, you made it and things may have changed after 40 years, but were you living your best authentic life with people who were fruit bearing to your growth?
We are all in a constant state of learning and growing. Oftentimes, we make commitments based on our current life situation. Should this determine your future? Of course not. Should you be made to endure pain and suffering if you’re unhappy? Of course not. Love is really simple. It’s the one thing that only we make incredibly complex. Alan Watts once said, “The sound of the rain needs no translation.” Sometimes we are so lost inside our own head, that our ego clouds our own ability to live in the present without constant thoughts of the “What if’s” of the future. Humans don’t want to die alone and can become pressured by society, friends and family to settle down. We are often rushing to find “the one,” so that we aren’t lonely in life. And surely we find people we believe are “the one,” and later find out that they were nearly a stepping stone towards another path in life.
Sadhguru, an Indian yoga guru and proponent of spirituality says, “Love is not a relationship. Love is not stage of the physical and mental level. Love is a state of egoless mind.”
We have developed over the many years to think that love is like a business transaction. At some point, you become partners in a different way and the love itself often dies or you may find you’re pulling at strings of moments to accumulate a reason to be happy and to stay in it for the long haul. Love doesn’t actually bring pain. People bring pain. The ego brings pain. People suffer from pain and trauma, therefore their ego creates a mockup version of love to compensate for all the trauma it has gone through.ย
Love may not be about romantic dinners, buying houses, debt, stress, so on and so forth, so to experience it in its fullest one must surrender. When the material world and working to have material things keeps us working, it’s filling in voids that eventually makes us feel inadequate, lost, bored, unloved, and distant from our loved ones. If one cannot find their way back to their partner, then a bridge is crossed and both take new paths in life. Both are absolutely OK to make a healthier decision for their growth in life, because in this body, in this life, you get only one and when that time comes, you leave everyone and everything behind. You are allowed to take nothing when you die. Not even your own body. Your body is recycled by the Earth and life goes on as it should. All your pain, suffering, stress, hard work, everything you are doing at this very moment, disintegrates into the fibers of the earth and the universe.
When you picture love, what does it look like? Is it kind? Is it fruitful? Supportive? Caring? Understanding? Is there chemistry? Is there equal liberation? Is there thoughtfulness? What does it look like? What did it FEEL like? Does it feel like a business colleague? Do you get excited when you see them? Do you laugh? Do you laugh until you cry? Or do you cry from the pain you feel?
Humans without a doubt come from some sort of trauma and we love and care for the people that have been through it in life, but what draws the line is the treatment you’re receiving. Is their trauma causing you stress, are you feeling drained, exhausted, confused or hurt? People can convince us that they need us, they don’t mean to hurt us, or that they have a lot of trauma that doesn’t allow them to open up in a loving way, and so you must ask yourself what you want love to mean to you.
If your love doesn’t bring more joy than you bring to yourself, you may be settling. Your love should be wholesome and fruit bearing. It speaks an entirely different language than any other love you’ve experienced. To find a true wholesome love is so rare, only those who know what they are worthy of, will truly experience this abundance of love. You cannot believe real wholesome love exists, because your ego is determined to make an unhealthy relationship work. That is your ego. The ego thrives in illusions and creates stories of how you have an obligation to push through what you’ve been dealt and deal with your hand. It’s like an infant baby. A mind only capable of using 10% (and far less), apparently has all the answers. We don’t use our entire brain, yet we convince ourselves we know everything and have all the answers and should deal with everything that causes stress, pain and suffering. Tell me, do you prefer to swim against the current when you have the ease of flowing with it? It is us that makes life and love harder, but I don’t see a stressed out yogi or Buddhist, do you?
State of mind and knowing your worth goes hand in hand. We go further with having the right state of mind and the right people in our life. It’s OK to “deal” with certain things in your life, but don’t ever feel pressured to deal with it because it’s been psychologically embedded into our programming to deal with our mental and emotional stressors consistently, and since we’ve made such commitments, we feel obligated to fill them, even though every person is in a continuous state of learning and growing. We cannot make such promises, because we cannot predict the future, because there is no future, there is just the now, the present, this moment.
Love is what you want to make of it and it certainly is different for everyone and while your opinion of it is just that, that just because you believe your opinions to be true, that it’s not the end of the road for what love is for others and what it is in the literal sense. Love doesn’t start war, love doesn’t consist of physical, mental, verbal, emotional or spiritual abuse. Love is something that is so phenomenal and mystical, there’s no doubt in all that exists that no one can truly explain, because it just is. A feeling of wonders, inspiration, motivation, kindness, thoughtfulness and positive experiences are just some feelings and experiences that are associated with the foundations of the raw and authenticity of love. The surrendering to a gracious metaphysical experience. To love and be loved wholesomely is art, it’s one of a kind. When you reach this higher vibration, this authentic phenomenon, this impenetrable feeling of oneness, then you’ll have reached the greatest gift of the human experience.
Love heals. Love is rewarding. Real love can show up out of nowhere and at any given moment. Time, place and obligations are irrelevant. It’s energetically exquisite. You may be sleeping when it hits you, but once you’ve been awakened to it, once you’ve tasted it, you will realize you’ve been programmed and conditioned to believe it doesn’t exist. You may realize you were merely obsessed with someone, because they showed you attention. You may find you lusted after someone, because they lit a dying spark. You may find little treasures of what love may feel like, but you will never know it’s authentic barrier until it completely knocks you off your rocker and turns your life upside down in a good way. Love will change you beyond the metaphysical world. You’ll accumulate superhuman-like abilities. Law of attraction will be limitless. As you vibe higher you can achieve euphoria in unity.
How can you achieve this higher vibration of love? Well, you would need to believe that it exists and that you’re deserving and worthy of such high vibrations. Like the lottery, you can win, but you have to play. A healthy love exists in those who truly believe it exists too. We aren’t perfect beings, but by believing that keeps us limited to what we attract. You should absolutely love yourself first, because you will not settle for anything less than how much you already love yourself, because in this case you wouldn’t have a need for anyone if someone loved you less than you loved yourself. You see? You can justify you feelings and your idea of what you believe to align with your vibration and believe it to be true. However, justification should be our first clue that our ego desires to justify its thought process and will protect it at all costs. Love comes in all different categories. This is where we label what kind and level of love we want to love something or someone. You would love your bird differently than you would love a brother, a parent and a spouse, etcโฆ
Now, it can take humans quite some time of their life to figure out that these vibrations exist. It is why you often see people in their 40’s, 50’s and even 60’s remarrying, because it took them their entire life to realize what they do and don’t want in a companion. We are in a constant state of learning, but it is absolutely OK to become aware of your life and love and make the necessary changes in order for you to align with your growth. We are always evolving, learning and growing. The limits you live are those you’ve set for yourself. Love will ultimately help your energetic force transcend physically and spiritually. An effortless experience that allows for the promising euphoria you seek, and within yourself you’ll ultimately find it within the inner weeds of the Astral planes.
Allow yourself to submerge into surrendering. Find holistic practices that allow for chakara alignment, cleanses and seek out the healing you need in order to experience the euphoria in which you seek. It’s there, it exists.
And taking just the weird of Madonna’s song, “Frozen,” the verse goes;
“How can life be what you want it to be?
You’re frozen when your heart’s not open.
You’re so consumed with how much you get,
You waste your time with hate and regret,
You’re broken when your heart’s not open.”
We live broken lives when we are not living in sync with purpose and real high vibrational love. We can go our entire lives living off balance and deem it normal, as well as convincing ourselves that our life choices were decisions we made, therefore we must put forth the effort to make it work and deal with our consequences. However, the universe does not obey this thought process of the human ego, it’s in consistent motion in the present. We should learn not to assume we can predict the future and base our entire lives on living what hasn’t come and continuously endure pain and suffering in our state of unconsciousness. We sign our lives away and become obligated to live those terms we signed up for when they no longer align with our growth.
And remember in the Disney movie “Cinderella,” where all the women in town were trying on Cinderella’s glass slipper, because the prince set out looking for the love of his life and all the girls wanted to be the one he was looking for, but no matter how hard the girls tried to force their foot into the slipper, the slipper just wasn’t designed for their foot and wasn’t meant to fit anyone else but Cinderella. Love truly isn’t a forced experience, it’s the ease of the slipper fitting the right foot.
Practices that will help you align yourself to attract a healthy and loving relationship with yourself and your partner. These recommendations will also allow you to meet like minded people, which can then branch out to new opportunities and allow you to connect with humans on a different level. While you can do these from home, I highly recommend trying something new and attending an in person session. All of these below will help raise your vibrations in life, so that you are living aligned with love. When you look at yourself differently and more positively, you are less likely to allow toxic people into your safe space ever again. You are worthy of the euphoria felt in the higher Astral planes. You must forge forward and tread uncharted waters and become comfortable with becoming uncomfortable.
- Attend a yoga session.
- Exercise.
- Try Reiki.
- Take up meditation.
- Talk to a spiritual advisor.
- Attend a spiritual retreat.
- Volunteer.
- Get out in nature more often.
- Ground your bare feet in nature.
- Try some psilocybin to expand your ethereals.
- Try some THC to help calm yourself.
- Talk to a spiritual life coach.
- Talk to a holistic therapist.
- Take on reading, writing and journaling.
- Write affirmations to yourself.
- Eliminate hard drugs and alcohol.
- Eliminate toxic people in your life.
- Eat healthy
“You have the ability to love a wounded animal and tend to it, but even with caring for it and being there for it, it may still continuously bite you until you release it back into the wild, where it belongs.” –Riva Gijanto
“War does not live in our heart, it lives in our mind.”
ยฉ๏ธ 2022 Riva Gijanto. All Rights Reserved. This is my hard work. Please do not steal, copy, recreate, manipulate or use its authenticity in any way.
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