Unfortunately, someone has been the victim to a toxic man and likely doesn’t even know they’ve been subjected to such treatment and behavior.
To add to that, men often have no idea that they project toxicity, so I want to do a little deep diving and explain what the signs of a toxic man are.
Toxic men come in all forms, and without realization or awareness, you may feel as though this kind of behavior is normalized in our society. To add to that, toxic men usually stem from unhealed childhood trauma, the inability to express emotions due to needing to “Man up,” PTSD, abandonment and various other forms that toxicity has formed into.
More often than not, toxic men look something like this:
• Irregular and uncontrollable mood swings
• Emotional immaturity
• Anger outbursts
• Breaking objects
• Name calling
• Doesn’t value you
• Playing victim when they hurt you
• Jealousy that results in negative reactions and actions
• Retaliation when rejected
• Self sense of entitlement
• Needs constant ego boost
• Justifies how they treat you
• Not confident with self
• Helps you, but with a self-fulfilling intention
• They have expectations of you
• Unsupportive of you
• Needs constant validation and doesn’t validate you
• Love bombs you and then retracts energy to lead you on
• Love bombs you and retaliates when you reject them
• Poor communication
• Physically abusive
• Mentally abusive
• Verbally abusive
• Emotionally abusive
• Sexually abusive
• Spiritually abusive
• Uncontrollable rage
• Apologetic or not, once he escalates a situation and gets you to reach an emotional state
• Demands you
• Commands you
• Isolates you from friends and family
• Angry (expressive) body language
• Serial cheater
• Liar (associated with manipulation)
• I’m better than you- attitude
• Competitive with you in a negative way
• Convinces you you’re the problem
• Talks down to you
• Treats you as though you are the cause of their past experiences
• Inability to be or stay calm
• Financially controlling
• He humiliates you
• Embarrasses you
• Degrades, you
• Little to no empathy
• Little to no understanding
• Little to no support of your dreams, passions, skills, and talents
• Accuses you for various acts that don’t align with their need to control you
• Accuses you of cheating
• Accuses you of doing things you haven’t
• Assumes you’ll do terrible things or are doing terrible things without their knowing
• Stalks you in person or through social in hopes of catching you doing something
• Treat you poorly if someone compliments you in person or social media
• Too busy for you
• Unresponsive to your love and needs
• Dismisses your love language
• Puts no effort into growing with you
• No self-control
• Purposefully picks and enjoys fighting
• May or may not be disciplined and expects you to be
• Road rage
• Not caring or caring at a cost
• Criticizes you
• Compares themselves to you and / or others and thinks they are better
• Purposefully tries to get a negative reaction from you
• Treats you as though you are less than him or beneath him
• Needs to be the center of attention
• If you try to leave, they find ways to reel you in and keep you hooked
• Mimics your pain and suffering when you try to express how you feel
• Mirrors your choice of words when expressing your pain, suffering, and concerns (ex: “I’m fearful when you react this way,” which will then be used against you)
- Also, they will likely quickly find someone after a breakup because they need to feel validated and loved and need a new victim to suck the life out of and abuse and control.
It’s also important to know that although I am talking about toxic and unhealed men, females can also subject men to the same toxicity that I have listed above. It’s important to know that if you’re a victim to any of these I’ve listed above, that you should know that you don’t deserve to be treated this way by anyone, let alone by someone who says they love you. This is not love, this is codependency on a person in which they get self gratification from by treating poorly when these people are sick.
Now, I do understand that it’s hard to leave someone you’ve invested so much time into in hopes they’ll change or maybe you even believe you’re supposed to endure such madness and treatment because society told you it’s normal to have a little toxicity in your relationships. I do envy people with thick skin and the desire to proceed forward with someone who isn’t displaying nothing but love and peace in their life. I have heard couples who have been together for 40 years say that they are happy now and glad they stuck out the physical, emotional, and mental abuse in their relationships. This, of course, breaks my heart, but you can’t lead a horse to water and force it to drink. Then a huge part of me knows everything is like a learning lesson on earth. Perhaps the path was chosen…
Maybe it’s a preference of yours as well, what you do and don’t like and what you will and won’t put up with.
I know for those who have endured any of what I’ve listed will and have at some point hit the end and left their toxic relationships. Unhealed men are NOT your job to heal. They have to want to heal or be healthy. They have to take charge, and your job isn’t to intervene and save them, but if they do ask for your help that maybe you can guide them in the right direction. A man wanting healing is already on the path to heal. No one should be made to deal with someone else’s pain and trauma and not should someone expect you to deal or heal their pain and trauma. Love is healing, but don’t let anyone take advantage of your love.
Don’t ever be bullied into thinking you must put up with a toxic man because he thinks you should deal with his trauma and accept him with his toxic traits and maybe even demand you deal with him or you don’t love him, because your heart, your sanity and your health is important too.
There is someone out there for you. I believe if you’re a healthy person that you’ll find and even attract a healthy person. No one is perfect, but one thing is for sure, being malicious towards a supposed loved one is simply not acceptable and you should know your worth and continue casting your reel back into the depths of the ocean, because there’s bound to be someone who speaks your love languages and treats you like the gold you are and they treasure you as.
©️ 2023 Riva Gijanto. All Rights Reserved. This is my hard work. Please do not steal, copy, recreate, manipulate, or use its authenticity in any way.
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