He’s NOT Interested: How to Know

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The dating world can be quite complex. It’s hard telling where you stand with someone you’re interested at times.

Our instincts want to lead the way and it’s like suddenly our verbal communication simply disappears. It’s as though we have to rely completely on body language and verbal cues to let us know that someone is interested in us, because let’s face it, we are lost for words to ask them directly or are simply fearful of rejection.

On a quick note, men are instinctual creatures by nature when it comes to a potential mate. When a man is typically interested, 9 times out of 10 he’s coming for you and there’s nothing that’s going to stop him. Even shy guys have this instinct, but an interested woman helps set him at ease so he can continue to approach her. 

I’m going to break down how to tell he’s interested and how to tell he’s NOT in 31 ways, and when to know when to move on if your energy isn’t being matched.

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INTERESTED 

1. HE INITIATES CONVERSATION

If your guy starts up a conversation with you about random things or asks how your day is going BEFORE you have the chance to ask him, he’s generally interested in you. Oftentimes, a guy will find anything to talk about when he’s interested in conversing with you and getting to know you after breaking the ice.

2. HE INITIATES TEXTS

It’s quite simple. He’ll match your energy and text you. Initiation is important, because it lets you know that you’re on their mind and they are excited to chat with you.

3. HE CHECKS IN ON YOU

An interested guy will check in on you and see how you’re doing. Maybe they haven’t seen or heard from you in a few days or maybe you’re having an off day and they sense that and check in on you. An interested man doesn’t want to see you in pain and or just wants to be sure you’re good.

4. HIS TEXTS ARE AS LONG OR LONGER THAN YOURS

If he’s interested, he’s going to be conversational and may write texts longer than yours. Now, I know a lot of men aren’t text friendly, but if he’s on his phone all the time, he’s text friendly. A nice long text creates space for nice long conversations. He’s engaged when he texts you. 

5. HE’S INTERESTED IN THE THINGS YOU’RE INTERESTED IN

Are you interested in some weird things? Maybe it may not be for him, but he’s in total support of what your interests are, or maybe he’s into the same things, so he’s generally interested in someone who’s interested in the same things he is!

6. HE’LL ASK YOU QUESTIONS TO GET TO KNOW YOU

Men don’t want to make mistakes when choosing a mate, but they also don’t want to waste their time with the wrong mate, so if he’s asking you questions like you’re having a background check, he’s interested in you. 

7. HE’LL COMPLIMENT YOU

Yes, words of affirmations are important. Someone who’s interested in you is going to want to show you by telling you how nice your hair is or how pretty your eyes are. Everyone loves when someone recognizes something about them and throws them a little compliment. Whether a friend or lover, it makes us feel good. A guy who notices you is paying attention to your beauty or something about you and letting you know, and that’s a PLUS. 

8. HE’LL LIKELY TOUCH OR HUG YOU OFTEN

Oh the cute flirty grade-school tactics. Yes, we are all guilty of love-tapping a crush. Personally, I love hugs and hug everyone I have a connection with, but there’s a way to know if they are just giving you a bro hug or a hug with chemistry. The hug isn’t going to feel like you’re hugging a friend or family member, it’s going to feel like you’re hugging the love of your life!

9. HE’LL ASK YOU TO HANG OUT

It’s such a simple little thing. “I was thinking of doing a hike this Saturday, what do you have going on? Want to come?” It’s so easy to invite someone to hangout, even if it’s not an official date. He’s curious, he wants to get to know you, he likes you, he wants to hang out and he’ll find a way to invite you into his space. It’s that simple.

10. HE’S VERY SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR GOALS

An interested guy is going to be very supportive of all your interests and goals. Usually, they may be completely uninterested, but they are interested in the fact that it interests you and brings you complete joy and happiness, so therefore they are all for it. 

11. HE’LL MAKE TIME FOR YOU

Let’s say you have something going on or want to do something and you invite him. This man is likely going to drop everything that isn’t of course incredibly important and make time for you, hunny. Don’t take any less either. Someone who doesn’t value your time or invites is not an interested person on a soul level.

12. HE SHOWS UP TO PLACES YOU’RE AT (he knows your schedule)

If you work someplace or you’re at a place you regularly go to and he shows up during those same times you are there and he converses with you every time he sees you, there’s a thing there for sure.

13. HE’S CONVERSATIONAL

I mean, I know there’s a lot to do, but dang this guy is holding long conversations with you no matter where you are at, in person, social media or text. 

14. HE LOOKS AT YOU OFTEN

If looks could kill, you’d be dead. If he’s feeling you, he’s looking at what he finds interesting and attractive. He’s going to absorb your presence through his eyes, so if you happen to see this guy looking over at you often or you catch him staring, there’s a thing there.

For me, I’m oblivious to my surroundings, I guess I could say I would never know who had eyes for me and even would likely mistake someone looking for just a wandering eye.

15. HE SMILES WHEN HE SEES YOU

Does his whole face light up when he sees you? Does his smile go ear to ear? Does he smile even if he’s seen you multiple times in a day, just smiles every time you look at him? There’s a difference between someone who likes you vs someone who doesn’t. Someone who doesn’t may only smile upon seeing you once, but not again. A guy who likes you will smile every time he sees you.

16. IF YOU’RE ATTENDING OR HOSTING AN EVENT, HE’LL BE THERE TO SUPPORT YOU

Listen ladies, for me personally, I show up. So, a guy who’s interested in you is going to show up too and it’s likely nothing will stop him from proving you matter to him and that you can rely on him for support. They will be there for you unless perhaps there has been a death.

17. HE’S ATTENTIVE

He’ll pay close attention to you and you’ll feel safe and comfortable in his presence. Men want to be the lover of your dreams too, so a man who’s attentive to you is a huge plus.

18. HE’S ENGAGED IN YOUR CONVERSATIONS

He’s not messing around with his phone when you’re together or talking. He’s not checking it or answering it when you two are engaged in a conversation. You have his full engagement and focus. 

19. HE’S PROTECTIVE

Have you ever walked with him and he is sure to keep you inside on the sidewalk away from the road? Does he seem upset when you tell him a guy was harassing you or anyone for that matter? Men are rigged to be protectors by nature, so his instinct will likely kick in and he’ll show you he’s protective.

20. EYE CONTACT IS STRONG

When you’re conversing with him and his eyes are locked onto yours and not floating around the room from distractions, yes, eye contact is intimate and that’s shared between 2 people of interest.

21. HE’S JEALOUS

He may become uncomfortable when other men approach you. Men who become jealous are a sign that’s run by instincts. He’s fearful he could lose his chance with you if other men are interested in you as well, and he should be worried since it’s obvious he’s taking so long to show you enough interest!

22. HE LINGERS

An interested guy is going to linger around. He wants to be around you for as long as possible and find reasons to hang around you longer. It’s human nature to absorb as much time as we can with our crush.

23. HE’S HELPFUL

Whether you ask him for help or not, he seems to be there to help you. Guys like helping. They like to feel needed and useful. It triggers the HERO mode in them and if he’s offering help, or he helps you when you ask, that’s a great sign he likes you.

24. HE MAN-SPREADS

Meaning open body language, like open legs when sitting. Feet pointed towards you. Arms on hips when chatting with you. Chest facing you. Body facing your direction. It’s a subconscious happening that men don’t realize they do when they like a girl. Men want to feel big and masculine around their potential mate, so they’ll fill up as much space as they can.

25. HE REPLIES QUICKLY TO MESSAGES

Listen, you may have heard of men or women say wait a day or 2 to reply, but we aren’t children, it’s a childish act to make someone wait to hear back from you if you are both in the interest game. If he likes you, he’ll reply quickly, because who doesn’t like hearing from their favorite person and conversing with them? Life’s too short, he’ll reply quickly if he likes you and if he doesn’t, he likely got his game from the internet.

26. HE COMFORTS YOU

A man who’s there for you when you’re not at your best and wants to help and make you feel good when you’re down, is a sign he cares about you and your wellbeing. Men like to fix things, so seeing someone they truly care about is essentially broken, they are going to do whatever they can to try and fix the problem. This also plays into their HERO mode.

27. HE GIFTS YOU THINGS

Gifts are such a great way to show you that you’re on someone’s mind. If he’s giving you things, buying you things or picks up your favorite candy bar, chances are he thinks about you and thinks you might like what he gives you. This gesture is sweet, and like male penguins that search high and low for the perfect stone to give to a potential mate, men find ways to show interest and affection by gifting anything to someone of interest. 

28. HE’S THERE FOR YOU

Have an issue with your car? Question about life? Need a hand with something? An interested guy wants to help. This is a way men show that they care by helping someone they care about. He’s not going to watch you struggle.

29. HE TELLS YOU HE LIKES YOU

If a man tells you he likes you, then he likes you. It takes a lot of confidence and courage to let someone know how they feel, so if he tells you he likes you, it’s likely he really does.

30. HE ONLY WANTS TO CHAT WITH YOU

Are you in a public setting where he could talk to anyone, but you find that he only chats with you? There’s no time to spare when a guy may have limited time to talk to you, so you’ll be the only person he’s interested in talking to and you may notice conversations with people he may know are short and sweet in comparison to yours. 

31. HE MATCHES YOUR ENERGY

If he’s into you, any amount of energy you put towards him, he’ll match it. Are you verbal with affirmations? He’ll be too. Are you checking in on him? He’ll check on you too. Do you touch him or hug him? He’ll do the same. Do you tell him he looks nice? He’ll do the same to you. Guys love attention, but they also love giving it to someone they are interested in. 

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NOT INTERESTED

1. DOESN’T INITIATE CONVERSATION

Initiation is huge when getting to know someone of interest and if he’s not initiating conversations and it’s YOU initiating, he’s simply not interested in you like that.

2. DOESN’T INITIATE TEXTS

If you find that you’re always the one sending texts to your guy first, but he never seems to send you a text first, then he’s not interested in you in a romantic way. You’re not on his mind.

3. DOESN’T CHECK IN ON YOU

It’s simple to say, a guy that can go longer than a day speaking to you without checking in, is likely not interested. If he senses something is wrong with you or you’ve told him something is wrong and he doesn’t check in, he literally doesn’t care about you.

4. HIS TEXTS ARE SHORT

I know some guys out there really don’t like texting, they are more for face to face conversations, but typically in today’s world where conversing is important in the initial romantic interests, they are going to text you and meet your energy. If his texts are short, he’s not interested and he’s not up for a conversation.

5. HE’S NOT INTERESTED IN THE THINGS YOU’RE INTERESTED IN

Guys who aren’t interested in your interests will likely disagree a lot or even pick on the things you’re interested in, and worse, they may not care about what makes you tick. 

6. HE’S NOT ASKING ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT YOU

If he’s not asking you every question in the book about you, your life, your interests, etc… then he’s not interested in getting to know you on a deeper level. 

7. HE DOESN’T COMPLIMENT YOU

A guy you like that finds you valuable to him, will be verbal with affirmations. Simple verbal affirmations are important, as he’s letting you know he likes what he sees or hears and wants you to know that he notices you, which you know you’d appreciate. A simple “Nice hair,” or “I like your shoes,” are just examples of him noticing things and verbalizing he notices you.

8. HE DOESN’T TOUCH OR HUG YOU

If he’s not giving you little love taps or hugs, he’s likely not interested. Men are more physical than women. They are physical and visual creatures, so if you’re getting to know him and after a while you’re not receiving these love taps, you may very well be in the friend zone.

9. HE WON’T ASK TO HANG OUT

He hasn’t asked you to hang out, therefore he’s not interested. If you’ve asked him to hang out and he has, but he hasn’t asked you to hang out, you’re sitting in that friend zone of uncertainty.

10. HE’S NOT SUPPORTIVE OF YOUR GOALS OR INTERESTS

He may disagree with all your interests and find you to be an absolute weirdo. If he’s not really engaged in conversation when you’re talking about the things you like or supporting your goals and interests, he doesn’t care about you like that. This may not even be friend material. Be aware. 

11. HE DOESN’T MAKE TIME FOR YOU

I understand a busy schedule, but if he’s choosing to hang out with the guys and go out and not hang out with you to catch a movie, he’s not interested in terms of priority. I know singles have this “I’m free, it’s all about me” mindset, but honestly, if you’re looking for an evolving and loving relationship, it’s not this guy. And not to say he should give up his fun with the guys, but I think it’s safe to say that there would be compromise in terms of, “Hey, that day wouldn’t work for me, because I already have plans with my friends, but how about this day?” If they doesn’t at least work it out and schedule to hang out with you, he’s not interested.

12. HE’S TOO BUSY

I know you like him, but he’s never around! No surprise though, because he’s not interested.

13. HE’S NOT CONVERSATIONAL

Does he hold a conversation long? Is it short and meaningless? If it’s short, he’s not interested. 

14. HE DOESN’T LOOK AT YOU

If he’s not looking, trying to sneak looks or secretly look at you at all, he’s not digging you that way. A quick look can be mistaken for someone of interest, but if you noticed it was a quick gaze and not multiple gazes, he’s not interested. Humans are creatures of habit when they see something they like.

15. HE DOESN’T SMILE WHEN HE SEES YOU

A guy who isn’t vibing with you isn’t going to smile when they see you in a setting where they come across you multiple times. I know I like to smile a lot when I see people, it’s a friendly thing to do, but if he’s not gazing or smiling at you when he sees you, it’s a no go.

16. HE DOESN’T SHOW UP

If you’ve invited him to special events or to something that means a lot to you to have support and he doesn’t show up to support you, it’s a nope. This excludes emergencies or something important scheduled. Usually when a guy is REALLY into you, they’ll show up, even if it’s not their thing. 

17. HE ISN’T ATTENTIVE

If he’s not trying to keep you comfortable or safe, if he’s not trying to do things that show he cares or likes you, if he’s not checking in when you’re not feeling well or have something going on, he’s just not that into you on a deep connective level.

18. HE’S NOT ENGAGED IN YOUR CONVERSATIONS

Does he seem distracted? Checking his phone? Looking around the room? Hardly making eye contact? He’s not into you. A guy who’s into you gives you his undivided attention, because he wants to absorb your presence and get to know you.

19. HE’S NOT PROTECTIVE

If he is cool with you walking on the roadside of a sidewalk or doesn’t seem to care when a guy is harassing you, then run. Usually these kinds of guys are egotistical and care more about themselves than they do the safety of someone they are interested in. It’s instinctual to protect a loved one.

20. EYE CONTACT IS NOT STRONG

If he just glances at you or seems to be looking everywhere else and he’s avoiding eye contact when conversing, he’s wishing you would just sush. He’s not interested. Eye contact is intimate and it’s easier to have eye contact during conversations and if he’s holding eye contact while you chat away, that’s a good sign he likes you, but if he’s not, then he’s not interested.

21. HE’S NOT JEALOUS

No matter how hard you work on this trait, everyone holds a little jealousy deep in their DNA if they like someone. If other guys are talking to you or you mention other guys and he is completely unphased or is even encouraging, he has nothing for you.

22. HE’S NOT LINGERING

If he’s not trying to stay and hang out longer to chat with you and he seems to be in a rush to get out or just leave, he’s on a mission and it’s certainly not you.

23. HE’S NOT HELPFUL

If this man watches you struggle or trying to figure something out without offering help, it’s likely he’s not into you. Friendly gestures of help are different from a guy who is generally going out of his way to help you.

24. HE’S NOT MAN-SPREADING

So arms crossed, legs crossed or closed, body is facing away from you and toes aren’t pointing in your direction. He’s closed off and isn’t inviting you in.

25. HE DOESN’T REPLY QUICKLY

He may not reply quickly or at all if he’s not into you. Men make women who they aren’t into last priority. He’s not interested and he’ll get to you when he gets to you. Don’t waste your time with a nonexistent conversation.

26. HE DOESN’T COMFORT YOU

When you’re going through something all of a sudden and he’s nowhere to be found when you tell him, he’s a taker, not a giver. This guy likely wants your pity or sorrow and advice, but when it comes to you needing someone to talk to, it’s like crickets. Guys like this only want you when they want you and when it’s convenient. If you’re down and they ghost your situation, he’s not into you.

27. HE DOESN’T EVER GIFT YOU ANYTHING

Men don’t gift or give things to someone they have no interest in. They wouldn’t waste their time or energy, so if this is the case, you’re not on his mind in an intimate way, but if he doesn’t know much about you, he may feel like he doesn’t know what you’d like or interested in.

28. HE’S NOT THERE FOR YOU

When something happens where you could use the help, but this guy is too busy or uninterested in helping you, it’s a nope. Again, guys want to be a HERO in your life and they’ll do just about anything to win your heart over. If he ghosts you in a time of need or despair, he’s not interested.

29. HE DOESN’T TELL YOU HE LIKES YOU

If he hasn’t come out to tell you, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you, he could be very nervous and fearful of rejection. He could also tell you that he likes you, but has no interest in pursuing you further. Sometimes a guy can tell you how he feels, but is conflicted about his own feelings, so it’s a no.

30. HE DOESN’T JUST CHAT WITH YOU

Do you find that he likes to talk to other girls like he talks to you? Chances are, he’s on the prowl and wants to keep his options open, and remember that you are NOT an option.

31. HE DOESN’T MATCH YOUR ENERGY

Do you find that all your cute ques go unnoticed or left to hang dry? Is he oblivious on purpose or isn’t interested in showing you affirmations, love and attention? If he’s not matching your energy, he’s either emotionally immature, likes the attention but doesn’t give attention back or isn’t into you. You deserve more. You deserve better.

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CONCLUSION:

Now, all or none of these can be your case. Every guy is different. There are shy guys that may not fit in most of these that I have listed, so it’s best to research in addition to this for certain men.

I will say, if you’re wondering if he’s into you or ever going to make a move (since guys are actually afraid of rejection too), you may need more time to gather enough evidence. A guy with feelings will feel some pain if he is rejected, so he may not want to sabotage a friendship, because that may ruin everything and his chance to have you in his life at all if he tries to take things further with you and you reject him. He may not want to lose you or risk anything right now.

But, if it’s been awhile and you know that you’ve given him your cute flirty and interested self and he’s not pursuing you, he’s likely not into you or he’s using you to inflate his ego, or worse, he may keep you around as an option and that’s a NO. Friend him if you’d like, but keep him in the friend zone, because if not you’ll fall for a guy that’s toying with you and sucking your energy for his own self inflation.

If this guy likes you, he’ll come for you, even if he’s slow-poking about it. If he’s not ready, he may still be working on becoming ready. He may need time to himself to think about what he really wants, but you shouldn’t stop your life to wait for him. A man should be absolutely SURE about you. You’re not a second option and you certainly aren’t a last option to him settling because he’s searched high and low for someone to check off all his boxes, but failed, and is now coming back for you. Absolutely NOT. You’re better than that!

Find someone that when they look at you, they know without a doubt that it’s you that they’ve been looking for and they’ll chance everything to give a relationship with you a try.

If a guy is sending mixed signals, either he’s fighting what he wants with you or he’s just keeping you around and engaging with you when he needs his ego stroked. Women can be naive and continue contributing to a connection that has already been sabotaged by the guy and are oblivious to a guy using her for attention and affirmations.

Try to separate what YOU feel with him vs what you think you have for a connection with him. Does he look at you with loving eyes? Smiles the smile of love and interest? Blushes? Touches you? Hugs you? Message you? Checks in? Just wants to chat? Hold long conversations? Invite you to hang out? 

If he doesn’t do any of these or not enough to conclude how he may feel, it’s likely he’s not feeling the same way you do. 

Now all these could be questioned, especially with the AGE of the guy you’re wondering about, younger guys do vary from mid-aged to older men, and of course the level of shyness a guy may be at varies as well. If you spend too much time trying to dissect whether or not he likes you, you may be missing and overlooking other opportunities. Sometimes we become blind when we have tunnel vision on one person, that we don’t see someone else actually trying to win our attention and would be much healthier for us and having us search the internet for answers.

Don’t put your energy into someone that’s not matching yours. A lot of men are emotionally immature (and yes women are too) and haven’t found the fundamentals to their emotions. They may be oblivious to your interest, immature or completely uninterested. It’s best to take a step back if you’re searching the internet for answers. Either approach him and ask him directly and get it over with, or move on completely. Life will pass you by every second you waste trying to figure out the heart and mind of someone else. 

Hugs and cosmic vibes! 

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