Unofficially Official


A TEN MINUTE READ!


Photo by Jasmine Carter on Pexels.com

I’m breaking the idea of traditional relationships. Intimate relationships are unique, and that there are hundreds of years of man-made ideas and traditions of what a relationship should look like. However, with many failed relationships and the pressure to push through a relationship that’s no longer bringing you happiness or serving your growth, this is incredibly damaging to your evolution.

We have so many limits and restrictions when it comes to dating and marriage and no one has ever questioned or asked about its authenticity. We’ve gone along throughout our lives following suit to ideas of what a relationship should look like by society. To be consciously honest with you, what about these limits and restrictions we bestow upon our partner doesn’t sound controlling and narcissistic to you? We are manipulated to believe that since we made a commitment, that we MUST stick through it no matter what or “until death do us part?” Who came up with such an idea? Then we are manipulated to think we are failures or are going to be failures if we can’t commit to something that’s not working or isn’t serving our growth.

Unhealthy and failing relationships are judged and ridiculed for not following tradition. I remember getting the worst advice from people in failing relationships when my own relationships no longer brought happiness. I was personally told that I made a commitment and I need to learn to commit to things that don’t always bring me joy and to not be a quitter when I’m uncomfortable and unhappy. In reality no one really cares about your relationship, they just want to judge and ridicule you in yours.

After years of dating, a lot of people come to the conclusion that they are no longer happy. Why is that? Well, maybe you no longer hang out with the friends that brought fun into your life. Maybe you don’t really do the things you once enjoyed in life. Maybe you no longer have any friends anymore and that part of your life is lonely. Maybe you’re not in a loving and fulfilling relationship. Perhaps you’re growing and headed in the opposite direction of your partner. Whatever it is, it’s OK to make the necessary changes in your life and to stop worrying about being held accountable for a commitment you made under certain circumstances during a time you thought aligned with you. 

It astounds me that humans will go their whole lives feeling half alive with the wrong person, and all for what? We come into this world alone and we leave it alone. Our dreams, jobs, family, material items, all of everything we are does not get to come with us, but yet we’ll endure swimming against the current to prove a point to those who are watching. Why? It’s not about success. It’s not about making it work. It’s not about being a failure, for all of these are merely ideas of society lecturing you about their conclusions and opinions, and we actually listen believing they are Obi-Wan Kenobi with “one shoe fits all” advice. Rather cliché, don’t you think?


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But why do relationships fail? Well, because we are human and only use 10% of our brains, that’s why. To add to that though, we get so caught up in labels and titles while in a relationship, that we completely lose its origin and meaning to actually love someone without losing yourself or getting them to obey your personal opinions, commands and demands. What if you loved someone without a label attached to it? We would probably expect a lot less from someone we don’t feel guaranteed to spend our lives with. Meaning, most failed relationships are due in part to their expectations of their partner once a serious relationship or marriage is established. Like expecting your boyfriend to stop going out with the boys, because you fear he may cheat due to your own insecurities or past relationship experience. You choose to partake in personal ideas and opinions of how you would want your partner to be and to behave.

All of these are really coming from an unhealthy form of attachment. Attachment is like codependency, but a . Being entangled with someone that has an unhealthy attachment is obviously not a good choice to be Unofficially official. A healthy attachment is not being attached. It’s being is a healthy and loving union with someone with zero obligations, expectations and rather respect boundaries without having to compromise your independence or who you are. Unhealthy attachments are very controlling, manipulating and often a recipe for disaster. This new concept of unions will keep both sides of the street clean and open to various ideas with limitless potential.

If there were absolutely no labels attached to two people who just absolutely love each other and adore each other, there would be far less expectations and a lot more love and freedom. It’s interesting that people will fall in-love with each other based on their partner just being themselves. In the beginning their behavior and lifestyle seems acceptable, but due time before the irritation and aggravation sets in and your partner demands you change who you are and or your way of life. Eventually, this causes someone to change based on who they can no longer be, and before you know it, everything they are or you are becomes disliked by the both of you.

There seems to be a pattern with how we treat someone in a relationship. Suddenly our needs for them have heightened and our ideas of them are clouded by who they really are vs who we want them to be, or what we fantasized them to be vs reality. It’s like we are trying to tame our partners and make them obedient to us and our wants and needs. Incredibly selfish, right? Humans don’t even realize that they are part of a traditional repetitive relationship, yet they will do almost anything to keep the person they are trying to change. It’s like ownership without admitting it is. “We are together, therefore you should compromise to MY ideas of what I want of you and my expectations of you.”

Speaking of ownership, that’s where the turmoil started really. Marriage, the women take the man’s last name. Isn’t that cute? Women would really like to think so though and we have been manipulated to believe that it’s such a great accomplishment in life, to take a man’s last name. Back in earlier times marriage was exactly that, ownership. Men wanted to claim the woman they loved for themselves and ward off any man interested and fed these ideas that, “Until death due is part” as a way to make sure the woman he chose is his for the rest of his life. Why don’t men take a woman’s last name? I know in some cultures it’s acceptable to take a woman’s last name, but traditionally it’s always the women taking the man’s. Why do we still take someone else’s last name, even though the name isn’t genetically ours? Our wives and our children, take the man’s name. I find it to be ironic behavior, yet a majority of the population finds its absolutely acceptable and normal. 


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I do remember a time when taking someone’s last name was exhilarating. I would dream about a nice big house, being successful and marrying the man of my dreams. I couldn’t WAIT to take someone’s last name. It seemed to be the focus in life, going to school, marrying someone, starting a family, you know, the usual on the menu. The idea was far left from the expectations of what society tried to sell me or us in general. It was trying to live these by standards that eventually made absolutely no sense whatsoever to me. Human behavior interests me to the degree of which I’m always questioning what and why we are doing what we are doing, because I can no longer make sense of it.

My new idea of being “Unofficially Official” gives lovers the freedom they need to always be their authentic selves. Now, this would mean that without using the terms “boyfriend, girlfriend, husband and wife,” but rather using your intuitive-knowing that you would love to be with someone with no obligations. Again, erase your idea of conforming and ownership, so that you can feel free with and without your person. If you want to move in with your person, OK, but if not, that’s OK too. A friendship and a loving partnership doesn’t have to limit you to one or the other. It’s having complete ego death and allowing yourself to be free, even within the space of your favorite person.

This wouldn’t work for someone who’s looking to be the “only one,” but their person likes getting around (if you know what I mean). Obviously you’re not going to be happy and demand they only be with you. This is more for people to understand that they have options and they can be with someone without the titles, labels and expectations that are often a part of society’s idea of what a relationship should look like. It’s absolutely fundamental to gather our bearings and learn how else they can be used. Love is not defined by limitations, rules, regulations and a piece of paper that’s governed by the government, humans create these barriers. With a species that is only capable of using 10% of its brain capacity, we can’t fathom something outside the norm or want to take ownership of our faults and faulty systems and traditions that have been set into place for hundreds, even thousands of years. 

Love is not a label. You can absolutely love someone without the pressure to conform to society. If you choose to live together, don’t be afraid to have separate rooms. Why though? Doesn’t that sound silly? Well, each person can create their own space and have the opportunity to keep things fresh and fun. Having personal space shouldn’t mean you need to leave the house or go to the garage to relieve stress or get away. Having separate bedrooms allows couples to stay the night in each other’s spaces and also allows couples to sleep by themselves to recharge their own physical, mental and emotional health. This allows couples to keep things fresh, create their own spaces and explore their independence on a different path. Perhaps he loves browns and likes a man-cave look in his room and she loves pinks and wants flower bedding. Why compromise when you can have BOTH?!

You have every ability to love someone without expecting your person to conform to your idea of what you want your relationship to look like. It should be infinite and open. Love is truly limitless and we should explore more in areas that best waters our growth and serves our purpose in life, to give us another perspective on the expanded and upgraded version of loving unions. “That’s not love,” will be a thing in the past as these new innovative and healthy perspectives lead the way to a more wholesome and loving union.


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Now, if you’re perfectly content and happy in your relationship living by these traditions that we currently live by and you’re in a dual relationship of a healthy love that’s been fruit bearing to your growth, then this is simply not for you. We should go into life with an open mind and elaborate more on different perspectives. There are no set rules in this life, just those that create comfort and structure that ultimately works best for what they want, but it’s not best for everyone.

Unions should be very fulfilling and abundant in love, there shouldn’t be a question of its authenticity if what you feel is real and how you choose be in-love with someone shouldn’t come with a book of rules and regulations in terms of titles, labels and expectations. To Me, if my lover and I are no longer on the same vibration, then I’m simply getting off the wave and moving forward and I would hope since we look at love differently, that they are healthy enough to know the truth, that we can continue our journey separately as friends. 

To share your life with someone is an honor, not a job you know you have to attend to everyday in order to pay the bills. You know, the kind of job you aren’t happy with, but have to go to everyday in order to pay your bills? Love isn’t the kind of work WE think it is and to have this open minded perception of love, both present life partners should continuously communicate. If communication seems to be difficult, it’s likely the person you’re with is actually not your person at all. Hard communication comes with when present life partners are afraid to express their feelings, because they are afraid of the outcome and anger outbursts. People don’t want to be rejected, so you may very well be in an unhealthy partnership with someone.

Your companion or present life partner are great ways to consider a better understanding to this new perspective. We only have the present, but it’s odd we plan an entire future as if we are even guaranteed this very moment. “Present life partner” helps to bring us back into the present, back into the now, in this very moment and allow us to treat our situation with the highest respect. Calling someone your companion is respected too, or “this is Anna, my love,” is another way to introduce your PLP (present life partner) to friends, family, etc…

We shouldn’t take opportunities for granted, and although opportunities will present themselves throughout your life, don’t take for granted opportunities that allow you to be you, that allows you to broaden your perspective and frees time and space. If you find like-minded people they are a very rare find and until these concepts become trends, it’s likely that you coming across someone who feels the same, who is wild and free, who has no expectations other than those that seem to work the very best for both of you and your happiness, is much like finding a needle in a hay stack. More so if they seem to check off your bucket list of interests, like they are attractive, maybe fit, fun, outgoing, adventurous AND they are open-minded? Score! Snag them!

As life exists and evolves, we should consider the same concept and create new passages for those to embark on a journey that would best suit their existence and their short life on Earth. We don’t have to live by the rules, we choose to abide by them, but we are all masters of art here, we create our reality and build concepts based on mindful expansions. Your person doesn’t need to come with a book, but rather embarking on a journey of uncharted waters will help revolutionize new eras and create limitless paths for infinite voyages with your companion is far for exhilarating and worth enduring than the overgrown passage that ends with over 50% of the U.S population in divorce and about 90% of the U.S population in breakups. Perhaps a new perspective is underway?

What do you think?!


©️ 2022 Riva Gijanto. All Rights Reserved. This is my hard work. Please do not steal, copy, recreate, manipulate or use its authenticity in any way.


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