A 10 Minute Read!
Story Inspired Songs!
“Lost Without You,” by Freya Ridings | Fall Into You,” by Cosmic Gate | “It’s Ok,” by Edith Whiskers (slowed) | “Feeling You,” by Harrison Storm & Mahogany | “Home,” by Edith Whiskers | “Certain Things,” by James Arthur | “I Don’t Know Why,” by Avaion |
As I write this, I can only smile. A smile I haven’t quite smiled in awhile. I mean, I have smiled and laughed, but nothing like this in quite some time. This was a genuine smile, a smile filled with hope, joy, and a smile full of love. It’s the feeling I get behind the smile now, like a shy but sure smile. He’s the one, the one I’ve been searching for, the one I’ve been waiting for and the one I now know why nothing else ever worked out before…
It’s a different kind of love. The kind that doesn’t make you nervous, anxious or skiddish. It’s getting butterflies in the healthiest way. It’s being able to endlessly talk without freezing. It’s taking our time, because we know. It’s the feeling of home and catching up. I can’t explain it, but it really has me wondering. I squint my eyebrows and try to make sense of it, but I can’t quite put everything together.
I knew it was him from “Hello.” He scared me, because I had “thought” I wasn’t ready, nor would I ever be. I told myself “no” and to reroute and keep to myself. “Don’t let him in,” I told myself. Oh how he was charming first hand. His smile melted my barriers and I knew at that very moment I was in trouble. I would move along trying to resist the urge to indulge in such a wonderful instant feeling, but considering it threw me off guard and caught me by surprise, made the connection all the more wonderful.
You see, in life we think we have control or that we want to control our life, but sometimes life happens out of our control. It doesn’t care about our time, our situations, our financial state, our goals or anything in that matter, life will happen. Sometimes we tell ourselves things that are later challenged. We ponder about our lifestyle and life choices, but in reality surrendering to the unknown is far healthier than working against the current, just let it flow.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about you right after. Like, this tiny seed implanted into the empty space that had resided within me. You were like a weed I grew to adore, and instead of plucking you or cutting you out, I simply decided in a fraction of a second to water the weeds. It’s my belief that sometimes quite literally out of the ordinary that we are put into situations that are meant for our next journey. I do not fight against the current anymore, I want the ease of flowing with it.
You had relit a part of me I thought I was done tending to and merely surrendered to being lit in the first place. As the days went on, I found a new feeling of comfort in your presence. It was quite unusual and with every encounter I was looking for something wrong, or a trigger or red flag, but no, there was nothing. Not that I was seeking something wrong, but just rather just something that would immediately turn me away, but no, I had nothing and no excuses to not pursue this connection. As if the universe itself was mocking me, “seeeee, I told you.”
The connection was flawless. No errors, no poison, no toxicity, no ego, no pain or triggers, it was simply simplistic. My comfort level arose with every encounter and I grew fond of your energy. I have never felt more safe, comfortable or warm in such a long time, that I almost forgot what it felt like. Just two people mingling in the most loving way possible. It was too good to be true, only because I haven’t experienced the true “good” in order for it to be “true.”
I’ve learned in life that although it’s short, that it doesn’t have to be short of exploration. We explore places and things, but usually never people. We are often scared of people, scared of getting too close. We have usually been pained in a way that takes time to heal or we were made to believe that something was terribly wrong with us, when in reality we just don’t beat to the same drum as people, and it took me time to realize that there are people out there that would dance all night to the beat of your drum. Not everyone will like the sounds of the tunes you enjoy, but it doesn’t mean that someone else won’t.
I soon accepted the fact that I don’t have control and I was tired of trying to control the outcome. If it works, great, if it doesn’t, then that’s OK too. I won’t know either way if I don’t allow myself to flow with the current and accept the fact that this may actually be the best thing to happen to me in my life. I would be crazy not to allow such a blessing from the universe, because that’s exactly what I thought of this connection, a blessing.
You’re like a breath of fresh air from the finest mountaintop in the Swiss Alps. Your energy radiates your true trait and beams with love and joy. Your smile is enchanting and your eyes mesmerizing. I can lose myself in you, but somehow I know I’m not lost, but rather found. I feel exposed and free when I’m around you. It’s the balance of my Feminine in your Masculine energy that mysteriously courts one another without any effort at all.
I don’t want to miss any days without your presence. You are a light, one that matches mine. You’re that unique star I’m always trying to look for out in the depths of space. You’re the frequency I want to ride alongside of. Your vibration matches mine and in all that exists in this massive universe, this metaverse, I feel like the luckiest girl having the opportunity to exist at the very same time that you do. There’s no point counting my odds, but I just know in a world that hasn’t made sense to me in a long time, that you make perfect sense in the chaos of it all.
When I’m in your presence, it’s as though nothing else exists. The people that are conversing around us seem to be like background actors filling in the empty space that exists while we collide. They are merely noise as our energetic forces court one another. There’s no way to explain this phenomenon, this unusual happening. Call this an unplanned plan. I don’t believe this encounter was by mistake, It was strategically orchestrated by something higher than you and I. The dance was effortless, as if we already knew the steps. Like swans when they court one another, their dance is so perfect and flawless that they instantly fall in love. Swans go on in their life searching for their soulmate and dance with many potential mates, but one beat off will send them away. The dance must be flawless, it must be perfect, they must be a mirror to one another or they part ways to find that one partner that aligns with their every move. That is what I think about our connection…
I am at awe over this connection. It was unexpected and to be honest it was exactly what I needed in my life. You’re a rare stone amongst an earth full of them. I find serenity in imagining what it would be like to collide in a physical union with you one day. I imagine the grand finale in fireworks when I picture us together, but also the serene meditative bliss that the sounds of a calming waterfall brings. You are the outer excitement as well as the inner centeredness of self. There are no words for why I am drawn to you or how you make me feel, but I seemingly can’t picture what my life would be without your energy.
Without trying, you filled in space I wasn’t planning on occupying. Our encounter reminds me of two stars colliding and forming an entirely new galaxy. It’s my belief that we would provide a new life and love to worlds in need of authenticity. People would see the way we look at each other and be inspired by our ability to truly love. I have never wanted anything more than to be a part of this glorious energetic state for as long as life on Earth shall allow me. I believe there’s something hidden in our connection. Something raw, real and incredible.
You illuminate my soul. You’re a psychedelic worth tripping on. My story includes you in it and by no mistake your character was perfectly written into an evolving connection. I don’t regret meeting you, even if it were for only a brief time in my life, I would still be incredibly grateful to have met you at all, because since you I’ve evolved and blossomed in ways I never thought was possible. I can’t put it into words, but all I know is that I feel alive again.
I don’t know why you’re here, how you were strategically placed in my life when you were or what the future holds, but you’re in my bucket list of wishes. I don’t want it to end, because I’ve never felt more at home than I do with you. I can breathe after being choked for so long, it feels like I’m being resuscitated. I didn’t ask for this connection, I certainly wasn’t looking for it and quite frankly I thought I was perfectly happy building my world away from everyone, then you showed up out of thin air and now I question everything.
I don’t want to have to put you back into the box in which you came in when you dropped into my life. I can only hope that the package was meant for me and not sent to the wrong address. I have had enough illusions in my life and if this is a mirage, then please forgive me as I repackage you to send you where you were meant to be. Perhaps I’m just the pitstop in your journey and I’ll need to send you on your way…
I don’t have all the answers to this most creative and intriguing life we live, but all I can count on is being real, being raw, being present in the moment and hope that some things in life are worth the risk… I cannot live my life wondering “what if” or I’ll die not having lived as opportunities pass me by, because I know life has a fast track and with every opportunity it’ll go by even faster. I don’t want this to be “too good to be true” or “too scared to try,” but I can’t help but to think that either may occur. I can’t help but to think that you’re just a simulation, because there would be absolutely no doubt in something real and authentic… or perhaps I’m just a simulation to you…
I can’t change my life, but all I know is that it has led me to you and so I’m incredibly grateful…
As I repackage you up and wait whether you were sent by accident or not, I can’t help but to wish that if you were indeed sent by accident, that I hope the next package that’s dropped off is meant for me and that I hope it’s similar to the package in which you arrived in, because I’ve really enjoyed all of its contents…
Now I await to continue writing our story or to write the greatest ending to what could have been a beautiful story…
©️ 2022 Riva Gijanto. All Rights Reserved. This is my hard work. Please do not steal, copy, recreate, manipulate or use its authenticity in any way.
Leave a Reply