SONGS that Inspired this story: "Beyond The Comfort Zone," Elysian │"Dirge For The Living," by Tom Day & Monsoonsiren.
I was in a complete daze, wondering about what I was going to do with the rest of my life. I just got a wall and everything seemed so out of place. Things in my life started to crack in places I swore were put well together. There was nothing in this world that made me think of how in a very instant that life could throw a blinding curveball at me like that. I felt defeated, but as I dazed out amongst the sea in front of this tiny little bungalow of a Cafe here in Hawaii. The windows were more like large openings where you could walk through. The entire place was an outdoor Tiki style Cafe. No walls or windows, just a ceiling and nature all around. There were little tables scattered and the view of the sea in this setting was incredibly illuminating.
I wondered how I got here, what I could have done differently to be here, but everything I thought of I knew that no matter what it could have a negative or positive effect. I was at another dead end moment in my life. I felt uninspired, unmotivated, drained, confused and frustrated. I knew this feeling meant that something else was coming, but what and when? I was sitting in front of such a breath-taking view that most people would never see in their lifetime, was I terrible to think it could be better?
No sooner than I had these thoughts, an incredibly beautiful and tall man disrupted my view as he walked past me from where I was sitting. Without hesitation I looked at him with no control. He was already looking at me, smiling as he walked by. I just stared, because it seemed as though time slowed down and I couldn’t help but give him a flirtatious grin as our eyes locked. What a magnetic creature, just WOW! His eyes lite up and he returned a grin. It wasn’t until he walked past a pillar that our eye contact broke.
Oh my goodness, who was this incredible creature? I have never seen him here before, but my goodness gracious, he was quite delightful to look at. I didn’t want to look back behind me and seem weird, so I kept looking straight ahead trying to mind my own business. As I peered over the beautiful sand, I could see a little family playing by the water. They were the only family on the beach. I could see them chasing each other and the man ran up to his girl and picked her right up off her feet and smothered her with kisses. She laughed and the kids laughed covering their eyes like, “ew daddy is kissing mommy!” Then the two kids ran over and hugged their parents. The dad or fatherly figure picked the littlest kid up and popped her onto his shoulders. He held the hand of his woman, his other hand held the leg of his kid on his shoulders and the other child held the hand of the woman. I couldn’t help but gush over how happy the family looked. Will I ever be that happy?
“Is this seat taken?” I heard this very attractive voice say rather close to me. I looked over to my right and there stood the incredibly handsome guy. He was holding two drinks in his hand. “Oh, hello! Hi! No, please join me!” I said with my exaggerated excited voice. “Well, I wasn’t sure what you were drinking and I didn’t want to assume you were drinking anything special, because I actually don’t drink and I also didn’t want to come over here empty handed, so I brought you water. However, I would be delighted if I could buy you a drink of your choice, if you’ll let me.” He said with such genuine sincerity. “Well, thank you so much for not thinking that coming over here with an alcoholic beverage was going to be a way to win my heart, because water is definitely the way to win my heart.” I said sarcastically.
“My name is Tyce, by the way, but you can me T.” As he reached out to grab my hand as I replied, “And my name is Aneka, nice to meet you!” He gently turned over my hand and gave it a light kiss. “Oh, a traditional gentleman I have before me.” I said. “Ah yes, I believe there are some behaviors and gestures we should hold onto.” He said with this incredible and warm smile I’ve ever seen on a human before. “Well, so where do you come from, stranger?” I asked. “Well, I’m only here for 2 weeks on a job. I came from Colorado, but from North Carolina. I travel all over the place for work though, so I don’t call Colorado my current place of home either.” He replied. “I see. It’s no wonder I haven’t seen you around here before. It’s a shame your stay is so short.” I said and nonchalantly looked at his left hand for a wedding ring. “Yes, I’m married if that’s what you were wondering, but divorcing. I don’t wear my ring anymore of course, but I am still an honest man. We’ve been separated for nearly a year, but she’s been pretty relentless about fighting to take everything I’ve worked hard for.” He said. “I’m sorry to hear that. I hope everything works out for you.” I said. “Thank you. So, how about you? Are you visiting as well?” He asked. “Actually, I live here! I came here on vacation 5 years ago and fell in love. I came back to Chicago where I had an amazing writing job and sold everything and moved here one month after visiting. This place brought me so much inspiration. The beauty is unmatched in most places. I have yet to get enough in the 5 years I’ve been here. So, I write for another local company and being here has been great.” I said.
“Wow. That takes a lot of bravery to pick right up and move like that. No family I presume?” He asked. “No. My husband died many years ago and I was never able to carry a pregnancy to full term, so my spontaneous move was an emotionally reckless response to my grieving pain. I thought I could just start over, but if you don’t heal from your pain, it follows you no matter where you go or what you do.” I replied cautiously, not wanting to frighten my new handsome stranger. “Oh, well you picked a good spot to try and heal in. This site is incredible, almost as incredible as you.” He said.
We talked for hours. I haven’t laughed so hard in such a long time. His blue eyes gleamed with the early afternoon light. His smile was immensely beautiful. His energy was kind and humble. Although I was married to a man who I believe didn’t love me, I can say that this stranger brought out hidden traits in a man I didn’t think existed. His skin was white in color, but it seemed he had a shimmery highlight in his skin, because he glowed under the sun. When he laughed it was sincere and organic. I’ve never felt so comfortable in all my life. He was very tuned into getting to know me and I was so excited to have connected with a beautiful stranger.
“I know this is going to sound forward, but would you like to join me for dinner tonight? I saw a gorgeous sunset view at the Aloha restaurant just up the road yesterday and thought it would be a nice spot to relax and take in the view.” He asked me. “I would be delighted!” I replied with excitement in my voice as if I were hitting puberty. “Wonderful! How about I pick you up at 5 o’clock?” He had the sound of relief when I accepted his invitation. “Yes, I would like that.” I replied.
“This has been a grand highlight in my day, I appreciate you allowing me to sit with you and I look forward to picking you up later and don’t worry about the bill, I put it on my tab before I sat down.” He then stood up from the table and parted ways, but not without looking back and giving me the smile that made me feel as though I was floating on cloud 9.
I was astounded by this man. Confident, secure, incredibly handsome. I would have never dreamed men like him existed. Usually men come in and test the water, but I haven’t come across anyone who was willing to treat the water. I was incredibly delighted to have met such an incredibly beautiful soul on such a whim and I’m certainly going out of my way tonight and dress up, something I haven’t done in many years.
I ultimately set forth to finish my errands, so that I could focus on meeting up with T. I haven’t been this razzled in quite sometime now. I was looking forward to seeing him. I thought about our conversation and just the way he listened to me was a great feeling. I couldn’t help but to feel sad at the same time, because he was only here on business. I know I shouldn’t become too attached to him, but it sure would be nice to have a mutual friendship and perhaps keep in touch.
As I was going through my wardrobe, I picked out a deep candy apple red dress. It was sparkly, but not overbearing. I’m not busty, if you will, but I do have a sexy chest and when in this dress it’s very alluring and I felt like such a lioness in it. The dress was skin tight and came down to my thighs. I’ve never worn this dress, I bought it on sale and it’s been sitting in my closet ever since.
My hair is long and so I curled it to give it waves. I put on black ankle boots, because although I may be dressing up, I wanted to add a dress down vibe to walk awhile in, ooorrr run for my life, you know. I felt really good and oddly enough I felt ready to meet with T.
The time zipped by and I grew increasingly excited. I ran over our conversations in my head and I pictured his incredible smile. I was so mesmerized by his beauty, that I thought that if I blinked, that he would disappear. Butterflies filled my entire being and they gave me chills. I gathered myself together and prepared for his arrival. I lightly dabbed some essential oil in the inner parts of my wrists and then dabbed some behind my ears to keep the aroma from being too overpowering. I took one last look in my full length mirror and twirled around to get a 360 view of myself. DAMN, I look good!
I heard a knock on the door and wasted no time to answer it. I took a deep breath before answering the door and with the biggest smile I’ve given to the world in a while, I opened the door. T stood before me and before I could say a word he blurted out, “WOW! You look absolutely stunning! I mean, I thought before I invited myself to your table, but seeing another stunning version of you is incredible!” He then grabbed my hand to kiss it. “Oh gee wiz, thank you! Let me share the spotlight by saying you look incredibly handsome T.” I’m pretty sure I was radiating when I was trying to compliment him, but my words simply couldn’t express just how excited I truly was to see him again. “You’re beautiful as you are witty, I like it. Now, shall we go?” He asked as he held out his arm to assist me to his convertible rental car. As he walked me to his car, he opened the door like a real genuine gentleman and guided me in. We haven’t even left the house and I feel spoiled.
As we were driving along the windy road along the sea, I held my hair from flying around the wind and embraced the warm sunset on my face. The smell of the sea air this time of night blowing all around my face smelled amazing. I haven’t ridden in a convertible since I’ve lived here, so I took it all in as T carried on about how magnificent the universe is and how everything is connected and has purpose. It was like music to my ears. He spoke my language and I peered over at him and just smiled ear to ear. He had every bit of my attention. Just listening to him speak was therapeutic. We exchanged elaborated ideas of life’s existence, time and other parallel universes. I don’t think I’ve ever had a fulfilling conversation like this in my entire life and it was such an amazing feeling.
We arrived at the Aloha Restaurant and he again opened my door, offered me his arm and walked me into the restaurant. The restaurant is set up very similarly to the Cafe. All open and a clear view of the sea. The sunset was breathtaking. There was this orangey-pink ombre hue and you could see the crisp clean quarter moon and a few speckled stars in the sky. T pulled out a seat for me and then sat himself down in front of me. The sea was to our left while the restaurant was to our right. The light warm evening breeze really set the tone for this sunset. We continued our chat as we ordered our food. “So, what’s your zodiac sign?” He asked. “My zodiac sign?!” I giggled with surprise. “Yes, I know it’s rare for a guy to be into astrology and metaphysics, but I’m fascinated by it just like I’m fascinated by you.” He said. “Well OK then! I’m fascinated that you’re fascinated with astrology and metaphysics! Well, I think you should take a guess at what my sign is.” I smiled, hoping he would accept my challenge. “Ah, I deserve that after gloating about my interest. Well, if I had to take a guess, I would say Capricorn.” He said with certainty. “Really? Is that your final guess?” I teased. “Yes, final answer.” He laughed. “What would give you the indication that I’m a Capricorn?” I teased again. “Oohh, I see what you’re doing.” He smiled. “You’re brilliant. You’re organized, charismatic, well dressed, sophisticated, creative, smart and undoubtedly insanely stunning. It’s the one zodiac that is nearest to perfection. It’s a if it’s the final outcome to creating all other zodiac signs, which is fitting because it comes at the end of a year cycle for us. Much like creating zodiacs all year and finally getting it right, in the end.” He was certainly excited to elaborate on my zodiac and it was rather adorable how he presented me.
Just then our food came in. “I’m right, yes?” He asked, noticing my big smile and long pause. “Wow, I’m rather impressed by your explanation and confidence in your ability to guess. Yes. I’m a Capricorn! That’s amazing, but I really enjoyed you inflating my ego by expressing how perfect Capricorn’s are. Very impressive.” I gave him a warm smile. “Note your turn, can you guess mine?” He teased. I can see his cheeks getting a little red, maybe waiting for me to sabotage his sign. I giggled, because he was so tuned with my coming response, that he glowed awaiting for me to guess his. I assumed he wanted to see how well I knew my stuff about astrology, because by the look on his face he was ready to be blown away. “Well, if I’m being honest I am more into letting you know all about you if you tell me what your sign is, I don’t guess, because it’s like guessing someone’s age, I don’t want to insult them, especially if they are familiar with astrology.” I said with uncertainty in my own ability. “Guess. I bet you’ll surprise yourself.” He persisted again. I stared at him to consume his energetic code. It’s a code everyone has where it allows someone to basically download your genetic code for information. It’s similar to reading body language where body has its own language when words aren’t being produced to communicate. It’s something I’ve always been equipped with, but I have my strengths and also weaknesses that need working on.
In that moment I got lost staring into his eyes. He had very soft blue eyes. They shined so bright against the hues of the sunset. A strange occurrence happened just then. It was as though he had sucked me in spiritually and showed me the inner parts of the universe. I could feel the energetic pull and there he stood before me in thin air in space and waved his hand to form the stars in space to create his sign. “Libra.” I whispered. “OK, now why do you think that?” He intriguingly asked. “You’re sharp, decisive, certain, accurate, confident, secure, balanced, intelligent, you know what you want and you’re a rare divine beauty in masculine energy. He gazed at me with these eyes as if he had found his soulmate. It’s like he wanted to cry in good heart. “Bravo. Absolutely astounding. I’m truly impressed by your energetic intellect. Truly a true fascinating creature indeed. Yes, I’m a Libra. Very good!” He cheered in excitement that I got it right. I laughed nervously and quite happy I guessed right, but also taken back by the scene displayed before in order to gather this info and guess. It was quite the journey.
The sunset couldn’t have been more perfect as the time passed by. It was as if everything around me became brighter and more euphoric. There was a large deck attached to the restaurant. It was just a few steps down and also overlooked the sea. There were different areas in the deck to relax in lounge chairs and gas fire pits. There was an area to dance and the entire setting was purely romantic. I was overwhelmed and captivated by the view, the moment and T. It all seemed so dreamy. T noticed I had taken observation of the lower deck. “Would you care to dance?” He asked. “Oh!” As I redirected my attention onto him. “Yes! I would be ever so delighted to!” I excitingly replied. “Very good.” He said as he stood up from his chair and put his hand out for mine. “Shall we?” He asked. “We shall.” As I gracefully put my hand into his.
When our feet hot the deck, he spun me around pulled me into him. “How are you on your feet.” He smiled. “I guess you’ll just have to find out!” I teased. “Oh! Another challenge! I accept.” He said. In that moment we became a mirror to one another. We didn’t speak any words, our body’s did all the work. His eyes locked into mine. I felt this tremendous amount of excitement within me and I got lost trying to follow him on another journey in his energetic field. I could see us walking on a ledge of the ocean in an area that reminds me much of Ireland. Although this place wasn’t of Earth, it had similarities. He and I were holding hands and peering out over the ocean. In the sky there were multiple planets, some so large it was as if you could throw a stone and hit it. Behind us was a field of wheat, with tiny purple flowers. A forest of unusual vegetation swept through the land. At this ledge there was this incredibly large willow looking tree, only it was white with tiny purple petals scattered throughout it. When the water moved, an array of various colors shot through the water, much like lightening strikes the sky. The air was sweet from the flowers and the energy was of home, calm and harmonious. There was certainly something very familiar about this place.
He broke our gaze and spun me around and brought me in close to him again. “You are such an incredible woman. I feel speechless in your presence. I have so much to say, but yet I feel speechless.” He said to me. “Well, that’s kind of you to say, thank you…” I said. He smiled and spun me around again as music picked up in beat. I haven’t had so much fun in such a long time. It felt nice to let loose and live. The deck was becoming busy as the night owls piled in. “Would you be interested in a walk on the beach with me?” I yelled over the music to him. “What? Yes! Absolutely! Let’s go!” I took his hand and guided him through the new crowd and at the edge of the deck I took my boots off to carry them, so that I could feel the sand between my toes. “Oh yes! Good idea!” T said as he took off his shoes too.
The beach was pure bliss. The sun beamed right above the horizon, making the water glow and the sand was warm to the touch even though the air felt just a little cooler, I could feel the temperature difference and it gave me goose pimples. T had a smile ear to ear. “I haven’t done this in awhile!” He said excitedly. “Really? Well you must not travel to places with beaches often, do you?” I teased. “No, I do, but I never give myself time to actually enjoy the little things at the places I travel to. I’m usually quite busy. It’s a personal preference. I’m single, so I work more.” He said. “I get it. The workaholic mindset for a perfectionist Libra.” I teased again. “Ha! Coming from a Capricorn.” He teased back. We both laughed.
As we walked and talked we became increasingly flirty. I could see his cheeks getting red. He was so handsome. A fine gentleman. I have waited what feels like an eternity to have a real conversation with someone who genuinely had the same interests. All I could think about was how grateful I am to have stopped into that Cafe this morning. As we were walking a sand crab nipped the side of my foot. “OH!” I yelled out and quickly grabbed onto T’s arm while jamming half of my body into his. “The crab scared the nerves right out of me! I laughed as I grasped into my chest. “I feel that!” He laughed with me. I had grabbed onto his arm when I jumped and he said, “Well, please allow me to keep you safe from any toe pinching crab!” He swept me off my feet and carried me in arms. “Oh wow! This is unnecessary really, you don’t have to do that.” I swung my arms over his shoulders to brace myself. “No worries my lady. I will not be having any dismembered toes on my watch, so it’s quite worth it.” He smiled. “Why alrighty then, if you insist!” I replied.
As he carried me, he went on about the alignment of the stars that were currently in the sky. I was so close to him I could see every perfection on his face. He raised his eyebrows when he was excited while explaining something. He was so charming to me and the way the sunset beamed on his face was mesmerizing. He looked over at me and saw me grinning. He stopped talking and just smiled back. He knew I had the googly eyes for him. He stopped in his tracks and set me down. “May I ask you something?” He asked. “Certainly!” I replied. He sighed. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you the very moment my eyes saw you and I wanted to be a gentleman about it and ask if I could have the honor and kiss you, but if you think it is inappropriate or not the time, I respect that. He looked so serious with eyes of hope and innocence. I was smiling ear to ear, because he’s all I thought about kissing all day too, but I’m just trying to be a lady and I’m a traditional lady. My smile turned soft, for I didn’t want to be loud about a beautiful moment. “Yes, yes I would like that.” I spoke softly. He wasted no time and brought his right hand up and cupped the left side of my face and leaned in and he softly kissed me. My entire body went weak. Oh how sweet this moment truly was.
His lips tasted like a sweet honeysuckle flower and they were so soft and gentle. No one had ever kissed me so romantically before. For once I felt respected. The kiss was intense. I felt tingles up my spine and down the back sides of my arms as I leaned the rest of my body into his. He pulled back and looked at me. “The lips of a true Goddess.” He said. “That was beautiful. Thank you.” I whispered to him. We gazed into each other for a few moments and I broke the silence. “Hey, would you want to come over to my place tonight? Perhaps we can stargaze in my backyard? If not, no pressure. I know you must be very busy.” I said to him. “That sounds rather nice actually, I would be honored to come over.” He blushed. I knew he was confident, but he had giddy kid tendencies and it was cute.
T picked me up off my feet and headed back to the restaurant. “Don’t think I forgot about the toe snatching crabs!” He laughed. We grabbed our shoes and headed to my place. I was nervous to bring someone over. It had been a long time. “Have you ever tried psychedelics before?” I hesitantly asked him. “Like LSD or mushrooms?” He asked. “Mushrooms.” I replied. He looked over at me and grinned. “Yes, as a matter of fact I have. Why do you ask?” He suspiciously asked me. I giggled and said, “well I was wondering, because I’ve felt a little rebellious lately and bought some this past week. The only problem I have now is actually trying them, because I’m scared.” I laughed. “Well, I can stick around if you’d like to give them a go while I’m over?” T said. “Really? Do you want to join me or do you prefer to supervise?” I asked him. “We’ll see.” He grinned.
When we arrived at my house, he walked me to the door like a gentleman. When inside I gathered some blankets and pillows to lay out in the grass. We went outside and he helped me lay everything out. The quarter moon was bright on this clay night and at this time there were so many stars it looked like someone speckled paint into the sky. I brought my tin of dehydrated mushrooms and sat on blankets. “OK, don’t laugh, but here’s my tin.” I giggled. T took it from my hand. “Let’s see what you have here. Ok, since this is your first time I would recommend you take no more than this much each time you decide you would like to try it and you can increase gradually for the effect you’re trying to reach.” He handed me some. “Aren’t you going to try it with me?” I asked him. “It’s been a little while for me, but I suppose I’ll eat some with you.” He took some from the can and popped into his mouth. I popped mine in my mouth. “Oh, and here. I brought out flavored gummies, because I was told the mushrooms would be pretty gross, and they certainly are!” I made this squinted eye of dissatisfaction on my face and he laughed.
As he explained how the mushrooms would take effect, I was in awe that he knew so much about them. I just felt this spiritual connection to this man. He was quite inquisitive and I was intrigued by his knowledge. “Thank you for being so informative. It’s unique that the universe would set you in my life at just the right time today.” I said to him. He smiled. “It’s certainly been a pleasure.” He said. As I gazed up at the stars I started to feel a little euphoric. “Woww…” I said in amazement. T just giggled at me. “I see it’s already started.” He said. We laid back onto the blankets. “So tell me, T, what do you see?” I giggled as I pointed to the sky. He got closer to me. “Well, let’s see.” He said as he looked to the sky. As he started to point at the stars, everything just looked like it started to move as he brushed his hand through the air. The sky started to look like an oil painting. It had this oil-like glisten.
I started to feel very euphoric and calm and T’s voice sounded therapeutic to me. I couldn’t help but look over at him. I know it’s too soon, but I felt like this was love at first sight. He was without a doubt perfect to me. I was in awe while in his presence. I rolled over and gently set my head on his chest. I could hear his heartbeat. He then wrapped arm around me. This warm feeling came over me and touching him enhanced my sensory system. There was this tickly tingling sensation coursing through my body and I instinctively started caressing his chest, because it felt so good to. T stopped talking. I think he started feeling the same thing that I was feeling. T started to caress my arm and we laid there in silence, gazing at the stars. I could hear his heart beat increase. “Hey…” He whispered to me. I looked up at him. “Yes?” I asked. He gently tilted his head up towards mine and he kissed me again, then again and then again. Everything felt so amazing. It already was amazing, but I feel that the mushrooms enhanced our surroundings. Everything just felt amazing by the touch.
T rolled over to his side and we continued kissing. Every sensation pinged throughout my body and if I’m being honest I was feeling increasingly turned on kissing him. I could taste the gummies in his tongue. I ran my hand up his chest I can feel him trying to flex. We kept touching each other, mimicking what we were doing to each other as a sign that e were OK with it. I felt like I was floating on the air and that my body was weightless. I could hear the crickets in the grass and the frogs off into the distance. The nights sky put off enough light for an incredibly romantic setting. Being here with T made me feel safe and comfortable. Soon we were slowly taking off each other’s clothes and we made love right there underneath the stars. The intensity of us making love in mushrooms was by far the most outer world experience I’ve ever had in my entire life. I thought for a moment that I wasn’t even on Earth anymore, that I must have drifted off into space some how. T was amazing at making love to me. He was gentle and romantic. He wasn’t afraid of taking his time with me and he explored every part of my body as I did his. He was such a beautiful man and I may have told him that I loved him spiritually. I felt as though I could see his aura, because his energy was so beautiful. I didn’t want this night to end. I wanted to be with him in this moment forever. I’ve never felt this kind of love before. It was the kind where you didn’t have to speak, because it could only be felt.
As I sat on him, we just stared into each other’s eyes until I lost myself in him again. We both climaxed at the same time and I felt my soul leave my body and revive itself. The sensation could be felt in all areas of my body and I have never experienced such an intense orgasm before and by the look on T’s face nether had he. When I moved over to lay next to him, I laid with my head on his chest again and started to sob. “Please don’t leave me.” I said as I curled up and cried out. I started to sob uncontrollably and I tried not to blink, but I couldn’t help it as I continued to cry. When I opened my eyes, my worst nightmare had come true. My trip was deceiving and I had imagined T in my head the entire time. There was no T. There was no encounter or adventure, for this man only existed inside my head as I tripped. I grasped into my chest to catch my breathe as I came to the realization of the facade I had imagined. I created the story to comfort my loneliness in the world. A character I created with the help of my psychedelics.
I wanted nothing more to be loved by the man I created in my head. I envisioned such a story I wanted to be true. I knew I was going crazy, but admitting to myself he wasn’t real while I was already in my thoughts was harder to deny than to play it out. My blanket remained empty where I imagined him to be. I can still imagine him touching me and how it felt, but I felt pathetic I took my imagination this far. I curled up on my blanket and stared at the sky. I’ve been alone for so long and yearn to meet the man of my imagination.
As my trip wore off I blanketed myself underneath the dark night sky and closed my eyes. If I’m being honest I had wished I wouldn’t wakeup. Life didn’t make sense anymore. I wanted something that only exist because I’ve imagined it. Who was I anymore? Because I felt like I had lost myself. T was my greatest imagination creation and thanks to psychedelics I was able to bring his character to life.
“Good bye, Tyce, I will miss you…”
© 2021 Riva Gijanto All Rights Reserved.
Life with MissRiva 
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