Friending a Military Spouse.

“Friendships are like relationships, you have to prove to them you’re worthy.”


Everyone always says the military life is hard, but you can always count on other wives. When you are dragged around the world, you always make new “Friends” where ever you go. Because friends are so hard to come by in the military, it seems as though as long as you have one person to always be there for you, you will make it through. Just one person to keep you sane, one person who will make you feel like your friendship means something, just one person.
Friendships mean nothing unless the friend you befriended, feels the same way about you. I notice the military life has me questioning what “Friendships” actually are.
I personally lost count, but I felt like I befriended those whom I generally enjoyed being around, and felt after some time I wasted much time and effort into friendships that weren’t as meaningful as the people I let in, leaving me feeling distraught, used and emotional, especially unknowingly to those, in my deepest times in need…

Emotionally Distraught. Photo by, MissRiva Photography
The military life has spouses on the prowl of who would be a good fit and let’s be honest, if you aren’t working and getting out to meet other spouses, it’s honestly hard. You have to rely on going out or mom’s group to find a friend, and typically those from the same unit are usually our first friends, or you end up in a depressive state and keep away from the world as you rush time on by, a.k.a, your life…
Friendships are fragile. You never know where you stand, unless those you befriend are putting in the same amount of effort you are.
You try and have gatherings, invite friends out to events, invites to just a day out, but how much of that is worth a damn to your friend who always seems to never put in the same effort towards you? Do you have a strike limit? I know I do, but it’s only to protect my heart and my emotional state.
They seem to make effort and make time for others, but not you?
Welcome to the military life, where spouses friend you until something better comes along and you become the back burner friend of no longer existing.
Spouses have broken my heart more than any relationship I’ve been in, for real.

We are all struggling, we are all trying to pass time and get through this, don’t treat those around you who want nothing but a genuine good reliable friendship, as if your friendship isn’t worth it, why ignore it and throw it away?

The worse part about being in the “Friend zone” in a friendship, is if we are stationed over-seas, the worse part is having no one around to come to your aid or come hang out for the day and just being left alone to wilt. Meanwhile, you look at others around you and wonder why it’s so hard for you to make a decent friend.
The worse part is being alone and having nobody and even worse then that is not having any friends to care enough about you and keep you company during hard times.
To me, just 6 years as a military wife, I have learnt that I find more meaningful friendships with woman whom originated from other countries or aren’t spouses.
Friendships have grown competitive all honestly. People have become very 1 friended, so if someone new comes along, they are like a shinny new toy and you suddenly find yourself standing back behind the two new friendships, as you drift into the abyss.
Where are the genuine friendships? The ones who invite you everywhere, the ones who care enough to make you soup when you are sick, the ones who stop by without letting you know, just to say hi. Where are those old school friends that talk for hours on the phone, where are those friends who listen and are there for you when you are down, where are the good people to laugh and share memorable times with. Where are these people we share a common ground with? What has this world become to, where one person puts out all the efforts into trying to be a friend?

You know whats hard about being a military spouse? Is being stay-at-home-mom and finding friends whom have kids your kids ages. Finding someone you click with and even more so, finding someone who doesn’t have kids but are understanding to the fact that you have them.

Where are you caring military spouses? Does everyone not care anymore? Or do you have a number limit to whom you have in you caring circle?
We seem to pour our heart out, but only to receive nothing in return. Outsiders wonder what we go through, what goes through our mind, if we hurt, if we are just as tough as our military spouses, if we are OK with our changing life style, and some of us are, and some of us are hurting for many reasons.

I have come by amazing people, who honestly saved me for many reasons, but so help us all, please friend a military spouse, you just don’t know how much your friendship could mean to someone who’s dragged through an emotional roller coaster.

And learn to be a genuine good friend, let it mean something to you, let someone mean something to you and instead of excluding, start including… It’s time for a better outlook and understanding what a friendship could really mean to someone, and stop with the excuses to keep yourself distant.
Copyright ©️ 2019 Lifewithmissriva

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